Valentine's Day
by Uchiha Sasaki-chan
Summary: Just a short six chapter story, mostly about Naruto and Sasuke's love life. Rated M for hard yaoi, swearing, attempted homicide, memories of attempted suicide, and all around un-child-friendliness.
1. Introduction

**Valentine's Day**

**Uchiha Sasaki-chan**

Summary: Just a short story about my favorite _Naruto_ couple's Valentine's night. Rated T for yaoi, memories of attempted suicide, attempted homicide, and swearing. I dunno; I was listening to_ Born this Way _and _Bad Romance_ by Lady Gaga and this idea suddenly popped into my head. That and I watched an inspiring episode of _Glee_. XD Look for a lot of Sasuke acting like a stereotypical gay guy; it's kind of funny and a little OOC.

Yeah, I know, this is a major departure from my other stories, most of which are tragedies or pure humor, but I thought it was time to branch out a little.

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**Chapter 1: Introduction**

**Naruto POV**

"Naruto, when are you going to be home tonight?" asks my mom as I grab the keys to my Prius.

"He'll be home after he's had a chance to screw his boyfriend into the backseat of his car a few times," says my older brother Kyuubi, signing for my twin sister Naruko, who nods, without looking away from the TV, where the latest episode of _Glee_ is showing. I really wish I could stay, but it's Valentine's Day, and my boyfriend and I have been planning the perfect date for two months. He would be _majorly_ pissed off if I blew off our plans and watched _Glee_ instead, even though we both love it.

I roll my eyes and stick up my middle finger at them.

"Hey!" yells Mom, throwing a pan at my head. I run out the door, and it crashes against the door frame. Sticking my head back in, I stick my tongue out at her and run before she can throw anything else at me. Jumping into my car, I put the keys in the ignition and slam on the gas. As I drive away I can see her on the porch, yelling and throwing anything she can get her hands on while my dad tries to calm her down. I laugh.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I'm eighteen years old, a senior at Konoha High School, blond-haired and blue-eyed –an improbability in Japan, but I'm only half-Japanese, so there- and I'm bisexual. I have an older brother, Kyuubi, a deaf twin sister, Naruko, my mom, Uzumaki Kushina, and my dad, Namikaze Minato, who has been the mayor of Konoha for eight years. And I have had the privilege of dating the hottest boy in my school for almost two years, a boy by the name of Uchiha Sasuke.

Sasuke is eighteen and a senior, like me. He's rather petit and slender for a boy, with hair the color of a raven's wings and these gorgeous deep sea blue eyes you could get lost in for hours at a time if he would let you. We started out as enemies in kindergarten, always competing in gym and in school, and then slowly became as close as brothers. We shared, and still share, almost everything: clothes, the food in our lunches, our deepest secrets, pretty much everything.

He's also the poster boy for your stereotypical gay guy.

I don't know when it was that I realized that I liked Sasuke as more than a friend, but when I finally came to terms with it, I was scared to act on it. One, I didn't know how Sasuke would react to his best friend being bisexual and having a crush on him; and two, his fanclub would _murder_ me. Then, this one night two years ago, Sasuke was sleeping over at my house because his parents were having a huge fight, and we were up talking at two in the morning, and out of nowhere he told me that he was gay.

Well, I was elated. My best friend, the guy that I have a crush on, is _gay_! But then, I was also worried, because I'd been trying to work up the courage to tell Sasuke about my crush on him, and at the time I was also dating Haruno Sakura, and even before I knew my best friend was gay I was trying to figure out how to break up with her. Honestly, I have no idea how I could have _ever_ dated her, because she turned into an obsessive bitch when she found out that I was bi… Anyway, the elation and the anxiety turned into awkwardness, and we ended up not talking for a few weeks, during which time Sakura and I got into a fight and broke up.

As you might be able to imagine, Sasuke took the awkward silence between me and him as direct disapproval of his sexual orientation. I mean, that's what _I_ might have read into it if it had been me coming out to him and we didn't talk for a while. So one night I _finally_ worked up the courage to go to his house and tell him that I liked him as more than a friend. His mom, a really nice woman, let me in and sent me up to his room. I knocked on the door but didn't get a response, so I finally just opened the door and my heart stopped, because Sasuke had taken a knife to his slender wrists. The normally pristine white carpet was stained bright red.

That's right; this Valentine's Day that we've been planning for and anticipating since Christmas almost didn't happen because Sasuke almost died. The doctor and Mikoto-san told me that it was lucky I'd gotten there when I did; another five minutes and he would have bled to death. He got seventeen stitches in each wrist, and still has very visible and very ugly scars from it. Whenever he's out in public he makes sure they're covered.

Anyway, when he had recovered somewhat, he was transferred from the ICU to the psychiatric ward for four weeks, and it was a while before I could see him again. When he came back to school, I was waiting just inside the doors for him. No one else was there yet, and we got into an epic fight. At one point, I don't know when, we both started crying, and Sasuke asked me why the hell had I saved him, and everything came out. How I was bi, the major crush I had on him, th dilemma I'd been in what with my crush on him and trying to figure out how to break up with Sakura, how I'd finally broken up with her, the terror I'd felt when I opened the door and found him lying on the floor, his blood staining the white rug, how I couldn't imagine life without him.

Things snowballed from there, and we've been dating ever since then. I'm actually surprised Sasuke's parents _didn't_ find out about us before we told them; everyone at school has known about it almost from the get-go, and we have our own recently formed fanclub. (Sasuke doesn't know about the fanclub yet; that will be a _very_ pleasant, happy little conversation.) We've been caught making out in the hallway I don't know how many times over the last two years by the perverted Lit teacher, Kakashi Hatake. It's become a running joke with our friends… "One of these days he's going to ask if he can join you two." "You guys should share a little of your loving with him." (To which Sasuke invariably responds "ew".) And my personal favorite: "If you _really_ don't like the attention then get a room!"

Anyway, back to the present; I _really _don't like to think about how close I came to losing Sasuke forever, both as my best friend and as my boyfriend.

Just as I pull off of my street, my smart phone rings. I pick it up and tap the screen, and the word _Temee_ appears on the screen. Speak of the devil... Grinning I hook the phone up to the car's speaker system and press _Talk_.

"Hey, sexy," I say. "I'll be there in five."

"_You'd better be," _says my boyfriend irritably. _"It's getting weird over here."_

"Oh dear _god_," I say, resisting the urge to groan. "Is it Fugaku again?"

"_Yeah," _he says. _"It's been a month since we told them about us, and he's _still_ throwing bible verses at me. He keeps saying homosexuality is a sin, like _that's_ going to change anything."_

In the background I can hear Sasuke's father, Fugaku, yelling at him to hang up the damned phone and his mother, Mikoto-san, yelling at the dickwad to leave him alone.

"We should make out in front of Fugaku," I say. "I'd _love_ to see his reaction."

"I_ wouldn't," _says my boyfriend. _"I'd like to _live_ to see my nineteenth birthday, thanks very much."_

"Well, _that's_ an improvement over two years ago," I say dryly.

"_Naruto…" _Sasuke growls.

I chuckle.

"Kidding, S'uke," I say, rolling my eyes. "I'm a couple of minutes away. I love you."

"_Love you too, dobe," _he says, hanging up.

I'm sure you're confused, so before I go on, I'll give a little background on Sasuke's father. It's true that Japan is made up mainly of believers of Shinto. There is, however, a minority of Roman Catholics. Now, Sasuke's immediate family is for the most part Shinto, like the rest of Japan, but Fugaku… Well, I personally think there's something wrong with Fugaku to make him want to convert to a weird religion like Roman Catholicism.

Uchiha Fugaku is a hardcore born-again Roman Catholic priest. He converted eight years ago, and he reads the Bible obsessively and quotes it constantly. He presses his wife and his two sons to read it too, and it annoys the living shit out of them. At one time, I think it was eighth grade, it got to the point where Mikoto-san hid the Bible, but then the bastard started _majorly_ wigging out, so she gave him the Bible back, afraid for the safety of herself and her sons. I dunno why she didn't just leave right then…

When Sasuke and I first started dating, we told my parents and siblings. While shocked, they quickly adapted to the idea of their son and brother dating another guy, especially since it was my best friend. We also told Sasuke's older brother, Itachi, who wasn't surprised in the least and congratulated us on finally realizing our feelings for each other. It took us until last month, and a lot of psychological support from Itachi, to get up the courage to tell their parents.

You're probably wondering why it took us so long to tell Sasuke's folks when we told my folks almost as soon as we started dating. Yeah, you guessed it; the born-again Christian father factor. And as it turns out, we were right to worry.

Mikoto-san was fine with it; she told us she'd known intuitively for a while anyhow, both about us dating and about Sasuke's sexual orientation. I mean, first of all, calling each other and hanging out much more than usual kind of clues people in, unless they're completely daft. And seriously, with his impeccable fashion sense and effeminate carriage, how could anyone _not_ figure out that he's gay? Seriously, people, this is the same boy who got suspended for three days and grounded for a month (by his father, of course) for wearing a unitard and a single sparkly glove and singing _Single Ladies _with back-up singers for the school talent show in ninth grade. (It was a _huge_ hit, by the way. All the girls and quite a few boys were swooning, so I've been told.) This is the guy who played with Barbie dolls as a kid and when his mom came upon him playing with two Ken dolls and asked him where Barbie was he said, "See, Mommy? Ken's happy 'cause he's with his boyfriend." I laughed when Mikoto-san told me that story.

Fugaku, on the other hand, flipped _massive_ shit. He threw the book (namely the Bible) at us, figuratively _and_ literally, saying that our relationship flew in the face of everything holy and that if we didn't repent of our sins we would burn in Hell for the rest of eternity. He went so far as to threaten to kill the both of us "to restore the family honor," and he tried to disown Sasuke. It was only when Mikoto-san threatened him with divorce if he so much as lifted a finger against her son that he kind of "calmed down".

Ever since then, he's been quoting bible verses at the two of us when we're together while he's around, and refuses to talk to Sasuke or even look at him unless he has to or unless he's making pointed remarks about what he likes to call our "sins against God and the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman," although _what_ marriage has to do with it I have no clue, since Sasuke and I aren't even old enough to _get_ married, though we have discussed it in passing, mostly in terms of what we'll do after college. It's quite saddening to me, because what kind of father rejects his own son? I'm surprised Sasuke hasn't taken me up on the offer to move out of his parents' house and live with my family yet.

Before I know it, I'm pulling up in front of the traditional Japanese-style mansion that is Sasuke's house. Sighing, I turn off the Prius and go up the path through the garden to the door. I can hear yelling from inside as I ring the doorbell.

After a few minutes Itachi comes to the door.

"Would you like to come and see the show?" he asks wryly.

"The show?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Sasuke came downstairs wearing liquid eyeliner and tinted lip gloss, so Father started quoting Leviticus again and Sasuke told him to shove it up his ass along with the rest of his homophobic bullshit, in those exact words. And that is part of what the yelling is about. He also gave quite a nice performance in church."

"Oh really?" I say, raising an eyebrow. "Did he sing in the choir?" Sasuke has a great singing voice. No one would expect a boy to have the kind of amazing singing voice that he does.

"No," says Itachi, the beginnings of a large smirk on his face. "He told Father to go die after talking at great length about your immensely inappropriate escapades in front of the congregation. He's quite a gifted storyteller, you know."

I have to laugh at that one. Even though Sasuke hates his father with a passion, he generally tries to be polite, even when Fugaku's quoting this stupid shit at him. For him to embarrass the bastard in public he must have been pretty pissed off.

"I _have_ to see this," I say, moving toward the door of the dining room.

"Where are you going anyway?" asks Itachi.

"Dinner and a gay dance club," I say. "Hey, we _both_ agreed on this!" I add when he looks at me oddly, and he raises his eyebrows in surprise. "We do something he likes, and then we do something I like."

Itachi nods in understanding.

"-disgusting and emasculating!"

"How is it emasculating if I obviously like wearing it and feel _confident_ while doing so?"

"As a male and a member of this esteemed family you should_ not_ be dressing in an effeminate manner!"

"_Fuck you_, I will dress in whatever manner I so _choose_!"

"Sasuke, don't swear at your father!"

Fugaku shouts "he is _not_ my son!" at the same time that Sasuke yells "he is _not _my father!"

I get to the door and look in. Father and son are standing on opposite ends of the table trying to kill each other with their eyes, with Mikoto-san between them, looking for the entire world like she would like to leave this craziness and never come back. When she sees me she shouts happily.

"_Finally_!" she cries, going to me and hugging me. "Naruto-kun, _help_ me! They've been going at it for the better part of an hour! They won't listen when I tell them to stop! I need someone sane to break this up, because at the rate they're going I'm going to need psychiatric help!"

I pat her on the back awkwardly.

"You know the apocalypse has finally come when people start to think that _I'm _saner than _Sasuke_," I say dryly. "What have you been _doing_ to your poor mother, temee?"

Sasuke turns, looking relieved to see me, but also annoyed. I let my eyes rove over everything… From the artfully torn black skinny jeans and the studded combat boots to the chain-covered black shirt with the detachable billowing rainbow-colored sleeves that he made himself and finally to his gorgeous face. The light blue liquid eyeliner he's wearing makes the navy blue of his irises stand out more, and I find myself distracted by his lips, which sport a light coat of what is probably cherry lip gloss.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" he asks irritably, his voice slightly hoarse. "_Oi, usuratonkachi_!" he says when I don't respond, walking over and waving his hand, the nails painted black, in front of my face. "My eyes are up here!"

"Getting ready," I say, snapping out of it. "Itachi brought me up to speed. And by the way, you look _amazing_."

Sasuke blushes.

"Now answer my question."

"I haven't been doing _anything_ to her; I've been fighting with _him_." He sends a scathing look over his shoulder at Fugaku, who looks ready to kill him. "Apparently he thinks that _this_" –he indicates his clothing- "is _emasculating_."

"What is _he_ doing in here?" yells Fugaku. "Get him _out _of my house!"

"Well," I say, putting an arm around Sasuke's waist and pulling him closer, "I'm here to rescue _my boyfriend_ –whom I must say looks absolutely _gorgeous_ and _ravishing_ tonight- for a night of fun and games. It _is_ Valentine's Day after all. You know, the day when couples go on a super-awesome date and get super-freaky with the mattress dancing afterwards." I sneer at the bastard as I say it.

If looks could kill, which thankfully they can't, Sasuke and I would be a pile of ashes on the floor. Maybe not even that. Fugaku's face turns bright red.

"_You_!" he roars. "_You_ turned my son into a faggot!"

I snort and roll my eyes.

"_Please_," I say. "Would that I had the power to _turn_ anyone gay just by snapping my fingers, but I don't, or else you'd be fucking the first fat old dude that came along like a dog in heat. Nope; as the song says we were _born_ this way, honey bunches." I flutter my eyelashes effeminately and blow Fugaku a kiss.

Fugaku's face turns purple, and he begins muttering to himself, probably some prayers for mine and Sasuke's tainted souls or some stupid shit like that. I can feel my boyfriend shaking with suppressed laughter.

"I love messing with your father, temee," I mutter into his ear.

"I love listening to you mess with him, dobe," he says, kissing my cheek.

Then Fugaku picks up a glass figurine.

"I think we should go _now_, _koishii_," I say as he throws the figurine at us. It flies wide by more than a foot, but we both flinch anyway.

"That would be an _excellent_ idea, especially given your way with words," says Itachi from behind us dryly.

We waste no time in running for the car, diving in and slamming the doors. Behind us Fugaku is yelling more anti-gay bible verses, but they're muffled by the car windows. We look at each other and burst out laughing.

"We're gonna be in _soo_ much trouble with your mom," I say as I start the car, wiping tears of mirth from my eyes.

"Agreed," says Sasuke, "but the look on his face was _soo _worth it."

"So where do you want to spend your two hours of Hell?" I ask, smirking.

"I've spent the last eight _years_ of my life since Fugaku converted in Hell," says my boyfriend, rolling his eyes. "Going clubbing is nothing."

"Fair enough. But seriously, have you found any clubs other than the ones I mentioned last week that were 'too sleazy' for you?"

"Born This Way," he says promptly. "It's that new club right across from Ichiraku's Ramen Shop. And I never said they were _sleazy_; my exact words were 'they lack class.'"

"And by 'lack class' you mean that they don't play a healthy mix of Lady Gaga, t.A.T.u. , and The Birthday Massacre?"

"Exactly."

"I'm down with that," I say, "although I could be in a garbage dump with you and that would seem just as romantic."

Sasuke wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Ew," he says. "I appreciate the _sentiment_ behind that statement, but ew."

I laugh and lean over, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke rolls his eyes at me but smiles back.

"I love you too, Naruto. So where are we going to have dinner?"

"Well, I _was_ planning to cook for you," I say, "but Mom's pissed at me."

"Why is she pissed?"

"Because I gave Naruko and Kyuubi the finger."

Sasuke laughs.

"Were they asking when we're going to have anal intercourse again?"

"Not in those words, but yes."

"Holy _crap_ they're perverts. They're worse than Kakashi-sensei."

"I know."

"So what's plan B?"

"That new Indian restaurant," I say. "Luckily they're not that popular, so I was able to get us a reservation, no problem."

"You _do_ have money, right?" he asks. "I paid the last time we went out to eat."

"Yeah, about 10000 yen in cash and another 100000 on my credit card," I say, pulling out my wallet. "And last time it was because I forgot my wallet, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever," says Sasuke with a dismissive flick of the wrist. "You're _always_ _'_forgetting_'_ things."

I glare at him.

"Bite me, temee," I growl.

Sasuke looks around at the other cars waiting at the stoplight with us and then back at me.

"Right _now_?" he asks innocently, but I can see a telltale spark of mischief in his eyes as he says it.

I roll my eyes.

"I'll take a rain check," I say. "One, my body does weird things when you're touching it. Two, I don't want to get into an accident. And three, there are witnesses."

"I thought so," he smirks.

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**Sasuke POV**

When we walk in we get an upturned nose and a disdainful sniff from the proprietor of the restaurant; what few other couples are there are dressed semi-formally, and then there's me, dressed in clubbing attire that blatantly shouts "mal'chik gay all the way," and Naruto, dressed in clubbing attire that gives off the confusing aura of "gothic street thug". It's actually kind of funny, and somehow it works with him. Regardless of the proprietor's evident irritation, we are shown to our seats, without too much fuss, by an Indian native whose name tag says _Rajdeep_.

"Waiter is with shortly," he says in broken Japanese, setting the menu down in front of us and walking away. When we settle in I take a look at the surroundings. The outside may just be a plain stone building, but the inside is draped with colorful silk, which hangs in the doorways, the windows, and the ceiling.

There's also a lot of Indian art and furniture. I even _recognize_ some of it, from the antique shops around here, and I'm kind of jealous; if only I had bought some of this I could turn my bedroom into a Bollywood paradise. If only Naruto shared my interest in antiques, but all he's interested in is the vinyl: The Beatles, Billy Joel, U2, Def Leppard, John Lennon, and the lot. He even built his own record shelf. I think he has over fifty different LPs by now. Never mind the fact that he has no record player, at least that I know of, and if he bought one, believe me, I would know. That would be all that he would talk about.

I don't mean to say that music artists like The Beatles and John Lennon are bad; _au contraire, _I have all of the Beatles albums on my iPod, both original and anthologies and demo versions, as well as the soundtrack to _Across the Universe _and the _Glee _versions of some of the songs, and all of the John Lennon solo albums too. I even have some Billy Joel and U2 somewhere on there, mixed in with all of the pop, punk emo music, and J-rock. But there's so much more to antiquing than buying old records; you never know what you'll find in terms of clothing, or new bedroom accessories.

Last month, for instance, I found the perfect Victorian Era mourning dress. The proprietor gave me some odd looks –what would a _boy_ want with a Victorian Era _dress_ that has a brown stain that looks suspiciously like blood on the collar? Anyway, when I got home I immediately cleaned it, gave the collar new lace, and made a Suigintou cosplay out of it, so it was all good.

The waiter comes, takes our drink orders, and leaves to fill the orders.

"So how was your Sunday?" Naruto asks me.

"How do you _think_ it was?" I reply, rolling my eyes. "Church was today, and Fugaku spent this Sunday the same way he's spent every Sunday since we told him about our relationship. Today it was about how 'the gay agenda is going to plunge the world into the End of Days,' and he called, quite passionately, on anyone in the congregation guilty of 'sins homosexual in nature' to confess and be saved while looking directly at me. So I stood up and told everyone in detail about last weekend and then told Fugaku to go die in a hole."

Naruto's sky blue eyes widen and then squeeze shut and he bows his head, his shoulders shuddering with suppressed laughter.

"My _god_, Sasuke, what're we gonna _do_ with you?" he says jokingly. "And what did he do?"

"He started yelling at me in front of his congregation, and I'm not allowed back until I 'fix' myself. He said it like it's a punishment, but that was my intention in the first place. I couldn't stand listening to him preach even _before_ he knew that I was gay."

"I bet," he says sympathetically.

The waiter comes back with our drinks, takes our food orders, and goes back. Picking up my spoon I stir my cup of tea and look at Naruto. He looks back, and I can tell he's doing the same thing I am; we frequently become lost in each other's eyes. It makes me uncomfortable when he does it, and it embarrasses me when he catches me doing it. I can't help it though; Naruto's eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen: a light sky blue speckled throughout with areas that are a vivid cerulean, and a dark blue rim surrounding it all.

'_Snap out of it, Sasuke,' _I think, and pinch myself, at the same time that Naruto does it to himself. He's obviously trying to be subtle and failing miserably, unlike me, but I ignore it.

"How was _your_ Sunday?" I ask my boyfriend.

"Eh," he says. "Nowhere _near_ as eventful as yours seems to have been. I woke up, I ate breakfast, I went to work, I came home and played video games, and then I went up to get ready for tonight and when I came down Kyuubi and Naruko were watching _Glee_. Naruko I get, but Kyuubi _hates_ _Glee _because it's 'too fruity', so that was the weirdest thing that happened to me today. Sakura did come into work though."

"Oh?" That bitch _seriously_ needs to lay off my man.

"Yeah, she sat in my section, so I had to endure her making pointed hints about how 'we worked so well as a couple' and 'are you _sure_ you're really homosexual?' when I told her there's no _way_ I'm interested in her and that for the millionth time I am _bi_sexual. I'm gonna be _so_ glad when we graduate, because I won't have to deal with her on an almost daily basis anymore. Oh, and Sasuke, Konoha High School now has an official NaruSasu fanclub."

I choke on my tea and stare at Naruto, disbelieving.

"_What!_"

"That's what I said," he says irritably. "Apparently Yamanaka Ino, the former president of your fanclub, created a new fanclub. She figured boy-on-boy was _much_ more interesting than idol worship."

"Well, that _is_ annoying," I say with a sigh. "If they're as stalkerish as my _personal_ fanclub I am _seriously_ going to kill someone."

"If they're as stalkerish as your personal fanclub _I'm_ gonna kill someone," Naruto says. "These ignorant bitches need to get a life and stop bugging people who don't want that kind of attention for fuck's sake."

"You now know how I've felt for _years_," I say wryly.

Naruto rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at me. I raise an eyebrow and shake my head; he can be so juvenile sometimes.

Finally the food arrives: a side of garlic _naan_, jasmine _basmati _rice to share, chicken _tandoori_ for Naruto, and _palak paneer_ for me, because I refuse to eat meat. I am _not_ going to eat something that had a brain and feelings before it became an inanimate piece of meat on someone's plate. Just _thinking_ about it makes me feel slightly ill. I eye everything warily, checking for meat, before scooping some rice and _paneer_ onto my plate and eating slowly, savoring the rich taste of this exotic new food. Across from me Naruto picks up the chicken with his fingers and tears into it like a ravenous wolf. I raise an eyebrow.

"You act like a barbarian, Naruto," I say, smirking.

"Don't be hatin' just because I'm sexy even when I eat," he says snarkily when he's swallowed.

I snort. Naruto sometimes says the weirdest things, but without a doubt they are almost always amusing.

"Hey, if you didn't think I was at least _moderately_ attractive you wouldn't be dating me," he says. "Besides, I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast."

"Really? Because I haven't had anything to eat, other than a yogurt, since last night."

"Why?" he asks, trying to make it sound merely curious, but the note of concern is obvious. I try to keep myself from sighing in exasperation. I love Naruto with all my heart, but sometimes his over-protectiveness and anxiety gets a little annoying. Just because I'm the more effeminate one in the relationship doesn't mean that I can't take care of myself.

"Because I stayed up late working on my Saki Hanajima cosplay, so when I finally fell asleep I overslept, hence the yogurt. Then after church, I stayed in my room working on the cosplay because I was unwilling to get into anything else with Fugaku, so I didn't have lunch because I knew he would be waiting down there with his religious spiel."

Naruto looks at his plate, then at me, and then slows down. The sight is kind of amusing.

"Finally, progress!" I say, clapping my hands together in mock enthusiasm. "I think by the end of the night we might actually be able to teach you what a fork and knife are."

"Shut up, Sasuke," Naruto says grinning.

I smirk at him.

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Well, there is chapter one! I was hoping to get through this story with nothing I might need to explain at the end of each chapter, but it seems that like all of my other stories things are going to pop up.

100000 Japanese yen comes out to approximately $953 American currency. ¥10000 is about $95 American currency. I say "approximately" and "about" because the exact figure is several decimal places long and it would be a pain in the ass to put in all those decimal places.

The thing about Sasuke going up onstage –in a unitard no less- and doing _Single Ladies _was something I find cute and funny, given how un-Sasuke-ish that type of behavior would be. It's also a scene from the finale of _Glee_ in the third season, the one that just ended on TV, wherein Kurt's father does _Single Ladies, _and the images of him doing the dance are interspersed with flashbacks of Kurt doing the same dance in the fourth episode of the first season.

Also, in the middle of the chapter Sasuke refers to his clubbing attire as "mal'chik gay all the way." _Mal'chik Gay _(or _Mal'chik-Gey, _depending on if you're listening to the English or Russian version) is the name of a t.A.T.u. song. Either way, "mal'chik" is Russian for "boy." "Gey/ gay" is pretty self-explanatory. And the cosplays he talks about making are Suigintou from _Rozen Maiden _and Saki Hanajima from _Fruits Basket_.


	2. Bitches Got Moves!

**Chapter 2: Bitches Got Moves!**

**Naruto POV**

An hour later we show our fake IDs to the bouncer and are waved in. Almost immediately the smell of sweaty bodies pressed up against each other like sardines in a can reaches my nose, and I resist the urge to hold it. Sasuke moves closer to me, and I grasp his hand so that we won't be separated by the crowd.

Born This Way is absolutely packed with gay couples celebrating Valentine's Day and singles looking to score with one of the many other single gay and bi men in the club. I see a few lesbian couples, but on the whole girls are classier than most guys (Sasuke not included; he could outclass _any_ woman in the world _any_ day of the week, at _any_ time of day), so you don't generally see many girls in Konoha's GLBT club scene. These lesbian couples are the exceptions.

"I still can't _believe_ this is your idea of _fun_!" Sasuke groans, raising his voice to be heard over the music, although he knows I'm an excellent lip reader; Naruko taught me well.

"Whatever, temee," I say, grinning. "The energy is invigorating!"

"More like claustrophobic," says my boyfriend, and I roll my eyes. Leave it up to Sasuke to point out the negative in every situation.

"Hey, baby," I say, kissing those shining red lips and tasting the cherry flavor, "give it a chance. If we're here for half an hour and you still don't like it, we'll leave. Okay?"

Sasuke nods reluctantly and we wade deeper into the crowd, looking for the bar. When we find it we both order drinks: I order a winter ale, and Sasuke gets a strawberry lime margarita. (I _swear_ he should have been born a girl.) I catch a couple of single men eyeing him hungrily from a little farther down the bar and glare at them until they look away. _No one_ looks covetously at my boyfriend, unless they want their balls ripped off and handed to them on a silver platter.

"Stop being so possessive," snaps Sasuke, catching me glaring at the guys at the end of the bar. "I could never find a guy in the rest of the world that would be able to hold a candle to you _period_, so you can cool it."

"I'm just making sure they leave my darling boyfriend alone," I tease him, making him blush.

"Down, boy."

"Arf!"

He rolls his eyes.

"Y'know, if you keep rolling your eyes like that they'll fall out."

Sasuke gives me the middle finger and I laugh.

"My _god_ you're eager," I say. "We can do it when we get back in the Gaymobile."

"Back seat sex in your car?" he says, raising an eyebrow. "And you call it '_the_ _Gaymobile_'? Classy."

"Yes, I call it the Gaymobile," I say defensively, "and it was supposed to be a _surprise_!"

"Yeah, okay, Naruto," Sasuke smirks. "On an unrelated note, the only way you are going to get me out on that dance floor is if you get me thoroughly inebriated first."

"Uh-unh," I say warningly. "The last time you got drunk you passed out during the intense make-out session afterwards. You do _not_ know how to hold your alcohol well, and I want us both to be fully conscious for later tonight. So you get one more margarita and then we're dancing. If you want any more drinks after that, you get water or soda."

My boyfriend groans theatrically.

"Naruto…"

"Think of the dancing as foreplay," I say, winking.

"You're so weird and embarrassing," says Sasuke, blushing again, but he downs the second margarita quickly and takes my hand, pulling me into the forest of writhing bodies. I smirk and follow.

"Such a funny, cute, and demanding little _uke_," I say to myself.

"I heard that!" he says as we finally find a spot that isn't too crowded, surrounded by a few less raunchy male couples and some lesbian couples. I see Hyuuga Hinata dancing with her girlfriend Amaru and point them out to Sasuke. We wave, and they wave back.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask.

"It depends on how badly you want to take my virginity tonight."

"Oh I can't tell you how long I've been waiting," I say, pulling my boyfriend to me and beginning to slow dance as _30 Minutes _by t.A.T.u. wafts through the sound system. "It's so mean to hold that over my head!"

Sasuke says nothing, but he smirks. Taking my proffered hand, he rests his head on my chest, and we make a slow circle roughly in time to the music. I bury my face in his silky black hair, smelling the raspberry shampoo and the hairspray.

"Sasuke?"

"Mm?"

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Only all the time, dobe."

"Well, I'm reiterating," I say, leaning down and capturing his lips. "I love you more than life itself, and if anything happened to you I'd have _nothing_. You're my best friend and the love of my life."

And though he remains silent, the genuine beaming smile that spreads across his face is answer enough for me.

Finally the song ends, much to my relief; even if it's a good song it was too slow for me at this point in time. It is followed by a song with a catchier beat. Sasuke growls in irritation.

"I don't feel like dancing," he says.

"Hey, we had an agreement," I say. "We stay half an hour, and if you don't like it then we leave. We've still got fifteen minutes left, so you have to put up with it until 2200."

"Crap."

I laugh.

Fifteen minutes later, I check in. Despite the reluctance to go clubbing earlier, Sasuke seems to have warmed up to the ambiance of the dance floor. Mostly he's singing along to the majority of the songs that come over the loudspeaker, but occasionally he'll bob his head along and move his body in a way that emulates dancing.

"Eh, it's all right," he says when I ask.

"All right?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "You seem to be kind of _enjoying_ it in spite of such a tepid initial review."

He gives me the finger.

"Right now?" I ask.

"In an hour and a half," he says, grinning.

"So we're staying?"

_RedOne, Konvict_

_Gaga, oh-oh, eh_

"Well, we are now," says Sasuke as the first lines of _Just Dance _by Lady Gaga blast through the stereo system. He pulls me closer and begins to dance for real.

"I thought you didn't dance," I say.

"I _did_ say that," he replies. "That doesn't mean that I _can't_ dance."

_I've had a little bit too much  
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by  
How does he twist the dance_

_Can't find a drink; oh man  
Where are my keys? I lost my phone_

_What's going on on the floor?_  
_I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore_  
_Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?_  
_I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance_  
_Just, j-j-just dance_

My jaw would drop, but I'm too stunned even for that. My boyfriend, usually the most subdued person in any room, is suddenly moving in such a sensual way –moving his hips in a very suggestive manner- that half of the things he's doing should be outlawed because of the effect that they're having on me. It doesn't help any that at times he's practically giving me a lap dance. My dick is uncomfortably hard, and it's all I can do to keep myself from throwing Sasuke down on the floor and fucking him senseless right here and now in the middle of this crowd.

_Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh  
How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright  
Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say  
And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh_

_What's going on on the floor?_  
_I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore_  
_Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?_  
_I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance_  
_Just, j-j-just dance_

'_So what, you're just gonna let your boyfriend have all the glory?' _the voice in my head sneers at me.

And though it sounds crazy, the little voice in my head is right. Besides, people are starting to stop and stare, and I don't want Sasuke to feel incredibly awkward. He's already out of his comfort zone as it is.

I see Hyuuga Neji, a notorious player in Konoha's GLBT community, eyeing my boyfriend with nothing short of lust, and I glare at him until he looks away.

"Move back a little, _koishii_," I say, rolling up my sleeves. "I'm about to blow your mind."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow but smirks and moves back.

Closing my eyes for a second, I pretend that this is the street dancing crew I took part in for three years back in middle school. None of my friends knew about it, not even Sasuke.

_When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog  
Can't believe my eyes, so many women without a flaw  
And I ain't gon' give it up, steady tryin' to pick it up like a car  
Imma hit it, Imma hit it and flex and do it until tomorrow yeah_

_Shawty I can see that you got so much energy_  
_The way you're twirlin' up them hips 'round and 'round_  
_And now there's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me_  
_In the meantime stay and let me watch you break it down_

_And dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance_  
_Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance_

I start simple at first, with robotic movements, and then go into the moonwalk and start break-dancing and shuffling and doing all the stuff I learned in my street dance crew. There's a sizeable circle around the two of us now, and as I dance I note that my boyfriend has stopped and is watching, his eyes wide with surprise, his jaw slightly agape.

I smirk and then do a mid-air somersault, landing firmly on my feet just inches from Sasuke, startling him out of his daze. He looks ready to yell at me for scaring the shit out of him like that, but I capture his lips in a quick kiss, a little apology, not allowing him a chance to voice his discontent.

"Let's finish the song," I say, slightly out of breath. "_Then_ you can bitch at me."

He rolls his eyes but smirks and allows me to lead him back out into the center of the circle, where we mesmerize everyone else (no exaggeration) as we move perfectly in synch with each other and the music, not even having to look at each other to know what move the other is thinking of doing next half the time. That's the great thing about how long we've known each other.

_Woo! Let's go!_

_Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic_  
_Got my blueprint, it's symphonic_  
_Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic_  
_Got my blueprint electronic_

_Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic_  
_Got my blueprint, it's symphonic_  
_Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic_  
_Got my blueprint electronic_

_Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle_  
_I got it, just stay close enough to get it_  
_Don't slow! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it_  
_Spend the lasto_  
_(I got it)_  
_In your pocko_  
_(I got it)_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, gonna be okay, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe, da doo-doo_  
_Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance_  
_Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance_

We finish in each other's arms to the sound of clapping and wolf-whistling and share a kiss.

"What, you're not gonna bitch me out for landing two inches from you?" I murmur in Sasuke's ear.

"Maybe later," he says, his face flushed with excitement and exertion. "I didn't know you could break-dance."

"Yeah," I say. "For all of middle school I was part of a street dancing crew."

"Why wasn't _I_ notified? I would have come and watched."

I blush.

"I didn't really want anyone to know," I say, "especially not my mom. She'd have _murdered_ me if she knew. She thinks street dancing crews and gangs are the same thing."

Sasuke laughs and kisses me again.

X3333333333333333

**Sasuke POV**

An hour and a half later we leave the club hand in hand. It takes awhile to get out the front doors, because we're constantly being waylaid by guys offering to buy one or both of us a drink, and the club owner accosted us to try and hire us as dancers, but once we're out of the club we get to Naruto's Prius with no problem.

"I'm going to have to rethink my aversion to clubbing," I say thoughtfully. "That was actually fun."

"Do you wanna go back there some time in the future?" Naruto says.

"Definitely," I say. "That was more fun than I thought it would be. Hey, I know an erotica shop that's open until late. Can we go get some stuff before we do it in your car?"

"Sure," says Naruto, "but I rented a house at the Konoha Lodge for one night, unless you _want_ to do it in my car."

I'm rather reluctant to go to a hotel; I mean, I'm a little bit of a germaphobe, and hotel rooms are notorious for having tons of germs and bed mites. But the other option would be having sex in the back seat of Naruto's car, and the confined space isn't large enough for what I have in mind.

"The house is fine," I say, smiling evilly.

"Uh-oh," says Naruto. "Are you gonna strap me down to the bed and do horrible things? Because you _know_ I'm no good at being the _uke_."

"Well, I'm horrible at being _seme_ because I always second-guess myself, so we're even," I say.

He smirks.

"You've got _that_ right," he says, and then ducks as throw my keys at him. "You said it first!"

"You weren't supposed to _agree_," I growl as I pick them up.

"Well _excuse_ me," he says as we get into the Prius. "Where is this place?"

"Uhm, it's near the Gothic clothing store that specializes in Lolita and Steampunk."

"Is it near that club that got closed because of the cockroaches?"

I shudder.

"Yeah, that's the place."

"Yeah, I know where that is," Naruto says, putting the car in gear. "I never knew you went to erotica stores under your own volition."

"Well," I say, blushing, "now you do."

"Have you ever bought anything there?"

I blush again.

"I, uh, I bought a, uhm, a dildo, and, uh, lube…"

Naruto looks at me weirdly, and I feel my face turning red from embarrassment.

"What would _you_ need lube for?" he asks.

"You know what?" I say. "This conversation is over." I'm sure my face must be redder than Naruto's gauges. "Just drive, dobe."

He smirks but drops the subject until we get to the store.

"So what was the lube for?" he says as we walk through the shop.

"Come on, Naruto," I groan, "I bought a dildo and lube. Isn't it kind of _obvious_? Or are you really that dumb?"

Naruto seems about to come back at me with an insult, but then I see the pieces falling into place in his mind. I shake my head, resigned to the fact that my boyfriend will always be an idiot.

"Well, we got there in the end," I mutter.

Naruto rolls his eyes at me and licks my ear. The sudden odd, sensual sensation of his tongue on my earlobe almost makes me moan, and I have to bite my bottom lip to stop it from coming out. I glare at him.

"Ugh, Naruto, stop being so impatient," I snap.

"But it turned you on, didn't it?" says Naruto, grinning.

"If you don't shut up _I'm_ going to be the one putting _you _in handcuffs," I say threateningly, picking up a pair of metal handcuffs and twirling them around my index finger idly. Naruto shudders and his eyes sparkle with lust.

"Oh, so it's gonna be _that _kind of sex," he says, grinning. "If I'd known that I'd've brought my studded collar."

I laugh as I go down the costume aisle.

"Well, I think I've found something that will be to both mine and your liking. How's this?" I say, holding up a black creation of fishnet and chains and buckles, with a minimal amount of leather to cover what needs to be covered.

"I dunno, I'd have to actually _see_ you in it," he says.

"Can do," I say, going up to the front desk. "Hey, do you have a dressing room?" I ask the cashier, a girl with blue hair and a stud in her lip. Her nametag says _Konan_.

She looks up at me and then at the costume I have in my hands.

"Is this for you or your boyfriend?" she asks.

"Both," I say, smirking.

"Well, I think you'd look good in it," she says, smirking back. "Yeah, we've got a dressing room. Hold on and let me get the keys."

When she unlocks the door I slip in and close the door. Shedding all of my clothes except for the lacy black women's underwear -What? Women's underwear is _much_ more comfortable than men's underwear!- I look at myself in the mirror for a second. My make-up is a little smudged and faded, but that's nothing I can't fix. When I'm done fixing my make-up, I grab the outfit and put it on: first the fishnet shirt with the detachable leather collar and leash, then the leather shorts, then the combat boots, one just an ordinary combat boot, the other made of leather bands held together by fishnet, and finally the leather sleeves with the navy blue trim, which are detached from the fishnet shirt.

As I put on the sleeves the scars on my wrists catch my eye, and I gently rub my fingers over each of them. Each of them is a painful memory of what I did to myself, to my mom and older brother, and to Naruto; a memory of the life I almost missed out on. I still remember Mom's crying face when I finally regained consciousness in the ICU of Konoha Regional Hospital, the tears running down Naruto's face as he described the terror of coming into my room and finding me on the floor, my blood staining the carpet, and the salty kiss he gave me, the first of many heartfelt kisses from him that I would never have had if I had succeeded. When I think about that, I also think about how lucky I am that Naruto came over when he did, and I think about how lucky I am to have someone like him love someone like me.

Shaking my head, I pull the sleeves on the rest of the way and open the door.

"Well, what do you think?" I say to Naruto, who's standing outside the door.

His reaction is so comical I wish I could get it on camera. His eyes widen, his jaw drops, his nose starts to bleed, and I could _swear _there's a bit of drool at the corner of his mouth. I start to laugh.

"I'll take that as an 'I love it,'" I tease him. All he can do is nod, stupefied. I smirk and kiss him on the cheek, going back into the dressing room to change.

When I come back, Naruto seems to have gotten himself back under control.

"I'll buy this and some other stuff," I say, winking at him. "You go find a costume and put it on."

"Do I _have_ to?" whines Naruto.

"If I'm going to be role-playing, then so are you," I say, leaving no room for compromise.

He huffs and goes to the costume aisle and then into the dressing room while I go back to the aisle where I saw the bondage stuff. I'm looking at leg irons and handcuffs when Konan comes up with more from the back.

"Hey, we've got these too," she says, holding up a set of leg irons, collar, and handcuffs, all connected by one long central chain. "It's perfect for couples given to sadomasochist tendencies."

I smirk.

"That would fit me and Naruto to a tee," I say, "but a collar came with the outfit I'm going to buy."

"Well," says Konan, "in that case, we've got the same thing, minus the collar."

"That would be better than buying separate cuffs," I say. "Are they iron, fuzzy, colored?"

"We've got twenty sets of iron and twenty of the fuzzy kind," Konan says. "Somehow you two don't strike me as the kind of couple that generally likes fuzzy shit involved in their bedroom activities, so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say you're probably for the iron."

"Exactly," I say. "Also, condoms?"

"For you or your boyfriend?" asks Konan, smiling pervertedly.

"In terms of who's giving it? Him."

"Yeah, I thought so," she says. "You don't really seem like the guy who'd be giving it in the relationship. We've got ribbed condoms, flavored condoms, glow-in-the-dark condoms, and many more besides." Then she takes a good look at me. "Hey, aren't you the ninth grader from Konoha High who got suspended for three days for doing _Single Ladies _in a unitard for the talent show?"

"Yeah, that's him, except the he's a senior now," says Naruto from the dressing room. "It's a pity I didn't get to see his performance; I had to be told and then shown the video to get me to believe it afterward."

I blush.

"What was your name again?" she asks, trying to remember. "I know it starts with the character 'Sa'. Something like Satoru or Satoshi…"

"Sasuke," I say. "Uchiha Sasuke."

"Yeah, _that's_ it!" she says, grinning. "That was my favorite moment of the _entire_ talent show! It must have taken a lot of balls for you to get up and do that in front of such a huge crowd."

I blush again.

"See, I _told_ you it was amazing!" yells Naruto.

I ignore him.

"Do you go to our school?" I ask.

"No, but my brother Nagato did," she says. "He was a senior that year. He was part of the rock band that opened up the show at the beginning. That's why I was there."

"Ahh, okay," I say. I have a vague memory of the guy. He had red hair, and these kind of creepy eyes, and I tried to stay out of his way. Then again, when I was a freshman I tried to stay out of the way of _all _the upperclassmen, unlike the underclassmen now. The annoying little brats _seriously_ need to go die in a hole.

"Ahem…"

At the sound of Naruto's voice right behind me, I jump and spin around, ready to beat the crap out of him for scaring me for the second time in as many hours. As soon as I see him though, I'm incapable of doing anything more than gaping.

Naruto is wearing a leather shirt with a high collar that buckles up the front, leather shorts, and combat boots that go up past his knees. On his left arm is an orange sleeve wrapped around with leather, and wherever there isn't leather on his torso there's fishnet.

I finally gather my scattered thoughts enough to say "Oh my god."

Naruto looks nervous.

"You don't like it?" he asks anxiously.

"No," I say, "I _love_ it! It looks _amazing_ on you!"

Naruto beams.

"Then I'm buying it."

"Good idea, dobe," I say, smirking. "Is there anything else we need to buy for tonight?"

"I dunno…"

"How about this?" I say, taking the leg irons and handcuffs from Konan. His eyes light up.

"Oh _hell_ yes," he smirks.

"I thought so," I say as he goes to change. "What about blindfolds?" I ask Konan.

"Are we talking about lock-and-key blindfolds, or cloth?"

"Just simple cloth," I say.

"Follow me," she says, leading me to an aisle near the front of the shop. "We've also got gags and bits if you're into that."

"I'll keep that in mind. Also, what about lube?"

"Flavored lube? Glow-in-the-dark lube? Latex lube? Water-based lube? Ordinary lube?"

"Oh my god," I say. "There are too many choices. Any water-based glow-in-the-dark flavored lube?"

"Yes, actually," says Konan. "We've got cherry-flavored, banana-flavored, vanilla-flavored, and any other flavor you can think of."

"All right," I say, picking up a tube of glow-in-the-dark unflavored and vanilla-flavored lube. (I hate sweet-flavored _anything_, especially vanilla, but Naruto loves it, and I'm hoping for some "suck-ish" foreplay tonight before the main attraction, if you get what I'm trying to say.)

"Why glow-in-the-dark lube?" asks Naruto, coming up behind me and putting his arms around my waist.

"I don't know; I just thought it would be interesting," I say, trying not to shudder as he nuzzles the sensitive tattoo on the side of my neck, three black _tomoe _in the center of a sun.

"That _would_ be interesting," he says. "I've _always_ wanted to have a glowstick attached to my crotch."

I snort and Konan bursts out laughing.

"You're all right, kid," she says, wiping her eyes. "What's your name?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto," says Naruto, standing up straight and removing an arm from my waist to shake Konan's hand. "Nice to meet you. Have you finished looking at stuff, Sasuke? The night's getting old."

"It's only 2330," I say, rolling my eyes, but I grab a leather blindfold and take it and everything else up to the cashier. Konan rings it up for us and I pay, trying to ignore Naruto's fingers playing over the back of my neck.

"Well, I'm pleased to meet you two," she grins. "You need anything else, just give us a call." She hands us a business card.

"Thanks, Konan," I say, grinning.

"No problem," she says, grinning back. "You two come back any time!"

"Oh, we will," says Naruto, taking my hand and leading me out.

When we're in the car, he turns to me.

"Do we have everything? Lube, condoms, chains, blindfold, costumes?"

"Oh, did _you_ want the condoms?" I ask.

Naruto looks at me oddly.

"You didn't get condoms?" he asks. "I thought for sure you would."

"Well, I thought about it," I say, "but I decided that it's the first time we're doing this, and I want to feel you come inside of me."

Naruto's jaw drops.

"Oh my god," he says faintly. "That is the dirtiest and most orgasmic thing that I have _ever_ heard coming out of _your_ mouth, Sasuke. And I mean _ever_."

"Well, don't get used to it," I say, grinning.

"One more question," Naruto says.

"Yeah?"

"You _sure_ you wanna do this?"

I roll my eyes. Naruto's been asking me this question since we started planning this night two months ago.

"Look, Naruto, if I didn't want to do this with you I would have said so before now. After being best friends for years and dating for almost two, I can say without a doubt that there is no one I would rather give my virginity to. And I trust you've washed your junk since you last slept with Haruno Sakura."

Naruto laughs.

"So if I said 'No I haven't' you wouldn't have sex with me?"

"No, I'd still have sex with you," I say, "but I would make you thoroughly disinfected it first and make sure you wore a condom. I don't know what kinds of diseases she has."

"Well, now you're just being mean," he chastises.

"You can't blame me," I huff. "Have you ever noticed that when you talk about her personality you cringe, but that when you talk about your sexual exploits with her you get a dreamy look in your eye?"

Judging from the shocked and mortified look on Naruto's face, he hasn't.

"Oh dear _god_, I haven't," he says apologetically. "_Aisumasen,_ _koishii_…"

"It's okay," I say, planting a kiss on his lips. "Just don't talk about your experiences in bed with her, all right? It makes me jealous _and_ nervous."

"As straightforward as ever," Naruto laughs. "All right, from now on I'll limit my talk about Sakura to what a fucking bitch she is."

"That's fine with me."

X33333333333333

Yeah, as you well know if you've read most of my other stories, I do _not _like Sakura. At all. Of course, I hate Karin even more. Why do I hate them? Well, I've said it before, but in review, they are ugly, they are sluts, they are stalkers, they are Sasuke-chasing freaks, and they give a bad name to women everywhere. And they act so goddamn helpless all the time. They're all like "Enh, I can't do this! I'll let the boys do it for me, and possibly get killed trying, and all I'll do is cheer them on and scream their names when they get hurt, like Bella from _Twilight_!" (If you can't tell, I hate _Twilight_ too. Bella is a fucking whore, on level with Karin.) Goddamn _whores_ is what _y'all_ are, honey.

And people shouldn't take my author's notes at the end of each chapter so seriously, aside from the reminders to review please. Really, people. We can have disagreements and not yell about it like little kids throwing a temper tantrum. Why do I bring this up? Some girl reviewed this chapter and called me a misogynist for the paragraph up above bitching about Karin and Sakura, apparently not aware that I'm a _woman_ –and a freaking _lesbian_ at that - and I have a _vagina_, and I freaking _love _being a woman and I'm a _huge_ feminist -though not to the point where I'm stir-crazy, unlike this apparently poor deluded soul- and therefore I _cannot_ be a misogynist. Plus, I bitch about Sakura and Karin all the time. I love hating them. So next time, let's be civil and review civilly. No nasty flames, and no calling me names without knowing what you're talking about or who you're talking to. Please review! Civilly! Hopefully you understand what the word "civil" means!


	3. Love Conquers All, Especially Rough

**Chapter 3: Love Conquers All, Especially Rough**

**Naruto POV**

At midnight we check into the Konoha Lodge, a small establishment that has guest houses as well as rooms. The rooms are 40000 a night. The guest houses are 70000. Of course, with what we're planning to do we're going to need a guest house. We go to the main office and sign in and pay upfront with my credit card. We are given a key to Guest House 4 and shown where it is. After that, we're on our own.

"I don't like the idea of being in this house," says Sasuke nervously as we open the door.

"I never knew you were superstitious," I tease him as I grab the small suitcase packed with our change of clothes and our hygiene products from the trunk and carry it in.

"I'm _not_, dobe," he huffs irritably, setting down the bag of merchandise that we got from the sex shop and going to the closet and getting down one of the bedrolls. "I just know what my instincts are telling me."

"Yeah? Well, _my_ instincts are telling me that I can't _wait_ to fuck you until you can't remember your own name."

"Mm, I'd like that," Sasuke purrs sexily, walking over to me and putting his slender arms around my neck. I pull him closer and kiss him with all the quiet tender passion I can muster. He's so goddamn gorgeous I don't know _how_ we've survived this long as a couple without me getting slapped with at least one rape charge. I run my tongue slowly over his lower lip, tasting the cherry lip gloss, asking for entrance, and he opens up and takes me in. I taste raspberry and mint, and I involuntarily moan into the kiss.

Finally he gently pushes me away.

"What about the plan?"

"Tcheh," I say, "_fuck_ the plan. As soon as we lie out the bedroll I want to fuck you like there's no tomorrow, costumes be damned. Although," I add, "the collar, the blindfold, and the shackles will come in handy. And we _definitely_ need the lube."

"So I just spent almost 10000 on costumes _that we're not wearing_?" Sasuke says, looking miffed.

"I never implied we _weren't_ wearing them," I respond, planting a kiss on his forehead, "I just implied that we're not wearing them _tonight_."

He sighs.

"_That_ is the _last_ time I _ever_ buy a bondage costume."

So while my boyfriend sets out the bedroll, I grab all of the materials we need and set them beside it: the unflavored and vanilla-flavored glow-in-the-dark lube, the handcuffs and leg irons, the blindfold, the collar, and my iPod and speakers. I set up the iPod and speakers and turn on the music I usually listen to while masturbating or fucking someone. _Ich tu dir Weh _blares out of the speakers, and I sigh in contentment.

_Nur für mich bist du am leben  
Ich steck dir orden ins gesicht  
Du bist mir ganz und gar ergeben  
Du liebst mich denn ich lieb dich nicht_

"Are you ready?" I smirk as I turn off the lights. I go over to Sasuke and put my arms around his waist, pushing up the hem of his shirt a little. "This is your absolute _last_ chance to back out. You _do_ realize that one of my objectives tonight involves the act of carving my name into your stomach with my pocket knife and that you agreed to it in advance?"

"I don't care _what_ you do to me, because as of tonight my entire body belongs to you, just as your body belongs to me," he says as he lifts the hem of my shirt and raises it up to get at my chest, brushing his hands along my scarred, toned abs and my chest as he does. I shudder and let out a groan as long pale fingers rub and pinch my nipples. "Do you understand, dobe? I am yours, in body, mind, and soul, and I am _only _yours." He punctuates every few words by kissing my bare chest.

"Oh my god, Sasuke- Nh!" I gasp as he bites one of my nipples, enough that it's a little painful. "H-hey…"

"I thought you _liked_ it rough," he smirks.

I do, I do, oh my god, I fucking _do_! Pushing his shirt all the way over his head, I push him onto his ass and get on all fours, still kissing him and touching his body as I relieve him of his socks, then his pants, and finally the cute lacy women's underwear. (He says it's comfortable, but I don't know, and I don't think I want to experiment and find out.) All the while these short, high-pitched, breathy little moans are coming from his mouth, and the sound of it makes my pants uncomfortably tight.

"My _god_, temee," I whisper as I break our kiss to trail butterfly kisses down his jawbone to his throat, where I commence biting the porcelain skin and suckling it, leaving red marks and bruises. "You have no _idea_ what you're doing to me."

"Ha-aah!" Sasuke tries to laugh, but I clamp down gently on his neck, making it difficult for any sound to come out other than the incoherent groaning and mewling that's driving me crazy with lust.

_Du blutest für mein seelenheil  
Ein kleiner schnitt und du wirst geil  
Der körper schon total entstellt  
Egal erlaubt ist was gefällt_

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

"I can't _wait_ to make you scream my name," I smirk, reaching for the shackles and binding my boyfriend's wrists together. "After tonight, everyone will _know _that you're mine." I attach the collar and give the accompanying leash a little yank. Sasuke's breath catches in his throat. "There will be _no_ uncertainty, is that understood?"

"_W-wakarimashite, Naruto-sama_," he gasps.

"Good," I smirk, bringing out my pocket knife and flicking it open. I suckle his bottom lip, and he once again grants me entry as I press the cold blade to china white skin.

Now normally I'd feel horrible bringing all of my sadomasochistic tendencies to bear on _any_ of my sexual partners, but in case you haven't noticed before, Sasuke is also a sadomasochist. Like me, he gets off on hurting and being hurt, though more often than not it's _me_ doing the actual hurting. So I decide to ignore the delicious little whimpers of pain being emitted into my mouth and the nails digging into my shoulders for now as I slowly and carefully carve "Naruto's property" into firm, pale abdominal muscles.

When I'm done the bedroll is bloodstained and Sasuke is panting heavily. Those entrancing dark blue eyes that show so much emotion are half lidded and clouded over with pain and lust, and his body shines with sweat and blood in the moonlight streaming in through the window. I would apologize for hurting him so badly, but doing so would kill the mood, and I'm overcome with the need to feel him around me, to feel myself inside of him.

_Bei dir habe ich die wahl der qual  
Stacheldraht im harnkanal  
Leg dein fleisch in salz und eiter  
Erst stirbst du doch dann lebst du weiter_

"Well, I think that's my best work so far," I say, sitting back to admire the oozing cuts.

"Admire it later," snaps Sasuke. "Right now, you are making good on your promise to fuck me into next week." As an emphasis he reaches up, chains rattling, and yanks my hair, hard, pulling out some. I wince but smirk.

"My, my, such a _demanding_ _uke_," I grin sadistically. "Those weren't my exact words, but you've got the gist."

"Good, I was beginning to think they were empty promises-unh!" he gasps as I attach the leg irons to the bedside table and set about licking the already drying blood off of his abdomen.

When I'm done, I pull down my pants and boxers and slather my dick in the unflavored lube, ignoring the cold sensation of the glowing liquid running down my member, and position myself so that I'm at eye level with my boyfriend's raging erection and vice versa, in the classic sixty-nine position. Slowly I rub his penis with the vanilla-flavored lube, relishing his moans, and then lower myself until my breath flutters over the sensitive, glowing member. I give it a teasing lick, and then immerse it in my mouth, taking Sasuke in all the way up to the hilt, deep-throating him until he can barely keep up the rhythm of his warm mouth on my own penis.

When he comes, it shoots into my mouth in a spurt of vanilla flavoring and cum. His body shudders uncontrollably for a bit as he rides the wave of his orgasm, his length still immersed in my mouth. I am brought to my own orgasm soon after, panting his name in muffled gasps.

_Bisse tritte harte schläge  
Nadeln zangen stumpfe säge  
Wünsch dir was ich sag nicht nein  
Und führ dir nagetiere ein_

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

Of course, if that were it that would make for a boring retelling later wouldn't it?

When I've regained enough composure to stand, I grab the blindfold and cover Sasuke's eyes. I want him to feel rather than see this next part, because trust me, the feeling of being fucked is _so_ much better that way. I wouldn't know personally, only ever having been the one _doing_ the fucking, but Sakura always told me that she felt it more intensely when I covered her eyes before I fucked her, so it's worth a try.

Unhooking the leg irons from the table, I put Sasuke's arms around my neck and carry him into the bathroom and into the shower, his legs around my waist. There, I rebind him so that his legs stay around my waist and put a little studded leather sleeve that I brought with me over my dick that still leaves the head uncovered. He feels me doing this and gets agitated.

"You're not putting on a _condom_ are you?" he asks.

"Nope," I say, "but it will feel pretty good, or so I've been told. Of course, you're still a virgin for the moment, so it might be different for you."

Sasuke takes his arms from around my neck with some difficulty and feels my erect penis, which is covered with the little dulled spikes. Before he has a chance to react to the little studs, I put his arms back around my neck.

"You wanted to be taken fast and hard, right?" I say, biting one nipple and massaging the other.

He moans and nods.

"Is this fast and hard enough for you, you masochistic little whore?" I ask, and without waiting for an answer I force myself into his tight entrance all at once.

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

The scream that accompanies it is so loud and so agonized that I jump and almost lose my erection, scared of breaking the delicate porcelain body sandwiched between me and the shower wall. I wince as Sasuke's fingernails dig into my back. If my shirt weren't still on he would probably have drawn blood; his nails are sharp.

"Oh my god, are you all _right_?" I say with trepidation.

"I'm _fine_!" my boyfriend hisses. "Just _move_ already!"

"I _knew_ I should have prepared you first," I mutter, but I pull part of the way out and then slam back in, filling Sasuke with my length again and again. I push deeper and deeper inside of him, spearing him, no, impaling him repeatedly on my dick as he cries out, alternately begging me to go harder and praying to the _kami _for the pain to stop.

"N-Naruto…!" he cries, his thighs tightening around my waist, his nails mauling my back. I respond by going deeper, until I hit his prostate. He shudders and screams, in pain as much as in pleasure, as I pound him into the shower wall.

Finally he orgasms again, his seed spilling over both of our chests, but I'm left with a hard dick, so I try something new. Unbinding his legs, I set him on his feet. He almost falls over, but I press him against the wall, clamping my teeth down on his neck hard enough to draw blood, and fuck him that way too, until I come twice more within ten seconds, the semen filling him to the brink and seeping out around my penis.

_Du bist das schiff ich der kapitän  
Wohin soll denn die reise gehen  
Ich seh im spiegel dein gesicht  
Du liebst mich denn ich lieb dich nicht_

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

"N-N-Naruto…" Sasuke moans as I pull out. "_K-kami_, Naruto…"

"Do you want to go for it one last time before we both pass out?" I ask.

"Y-you still w-w-want _more_…?" he pants.

"Only if you can take more," I say, biting his ear and picking him up again, taking him back to the bedroom.

"I-I'll try," he gasps.

"Okay," I say, forcing my boyfriend down onto all fours. Leaning over him, I bite his ear. At the same time I grab the leash on his collar and yank it. He coughs a little.

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

Bending over him, I once again line myself up with his entrance and push myself in, doing it agonizingly slowly, relishing every gasp, every moan, every mewl of discomfort that comes from his mouth. And since I'm not directly behind him, it's going in at a diagonal, something guaranteed to bring a fair amount of agony. I try to position myself so that it goes in straight, but there's only so much adjusting I can do before he's gasping at me to get on with it, the pain is too much for me to just be there wiggling aimlessly around inside of him. I guess even Sasuke has limits as to how much pain he can stand.

_Ich tu dir weh  
Tut mir nicht leid  
Das tut dir gut  
Hör wie es schreit_

When I'm all the way back inside, I grab his length and start to fist it. At the same time I begin a slow and steady rhythm, pulling out almost all the way so the studs are out, then pushing myself back in quickly. Within minutes I've worked myself back up to a fast pace, and Sasuke is seemingly unable to catch his breath as I fuck him harder and harder, stopping just short of his prostate until the very end. Then with one well-placed thrust, I make him come immediately, and then I come inside of him again. My semen drips from his already filled hole as I pull out for the final time tonight. Unchaining him and taking the blindfold and collar off, I turn off the iPod and fall onto the bedroll beside him.

"Well, how was it?" I ask, a little scared of his reaction.

"Well, you made good on your promise," he says, out of breath, as he rolls over to face me and winces. "I doubt I'll be able to walk to my room tomorrow, let alone get to your car in the morning. And the cuts on my stomach are never coming off, _that's_ for sure. If Mom sees them she'll have a cow."

"_When_ would she see your stomach?" I ask.

"It could happen inadvertently," says Sasuke, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, okay," I say skeptically.

"On the whole, though," he continues, "losing one's virginity has never in the history of humankind been as deliriously painful and delicious as it was with you and me tonight."

I laugh and pull him to me, smelling raspberries, mint, cum, and sweat. He hisses as I gently brush my fingers against his abdomen, feeling the two words etched into the pale skin, and I feel a little worried.

"I'll get bandages," I say, standing up.

"You don't have to," he protests, but I've already gotten the sterile white rolls. He hisses again as I begin to wrap them around his stomach, covering the wounds carefully.

When I'm done I flop onto the bedroll again and pull Sasuke to me, kissing him gently and passionately.

"You're always gorgeous," I whisper in his ear, "but tonight you look absolutely stunning. I think I even detect a little glow. And it's not because of the moon. Or the lube."

He laughs a little.

"You say such embarrassing things, Naruto," he says.

"How can they be embarrassing if they're true?" I counter.

Sasuke blushes profusely but smiles.

"You're embarrassing, but I love you in spite of it," he murmurs, leaning forward and kissing me, nibbling my bottom lip. "Maybe even _because_ of it."

I laugh into the kiss.

"I love you too," I say. "No matter what, I love you, Sasuke. We've been friends for years, and we've been dating for two, and I can't think of anyone else in the world that could ever replace you, which is why I bought this."

Rummaging in the pocket of my discarded jeans, I pull out a small box and kneel in front of my boyfriend. His eyes widen.

"Is that…?" he says, the beginnings of tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

I open the box, revealing a gold band with one small inlaid diamond sparkling in the center.

"Uchiha Sasuke, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Sasuke starts to cry.

"Oh my god!" he gasps, hands over his mouth. "Oh my god…"

I wait nervously for him to calm down a little. When he finally does, there's dead silence, and then…

"Of _course_ I'll marry you, Uzumaki Naruto," he whispers, smiling. The moon shines in through the window, illuminating his features in an eerily beautiful manner. One could almost mistake him for someone from another world, a world that only makes people as flawlessly gorgeous as this.

I laugh happily as I slip the band onto his left hand, and I kiss him.

"We'll do it after college, okay?" I murmur.

"It's a date," he says, grinning.

X3333333333333333

**Sasuke POV**

I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am now as we pack up the next morning and head back into Konoha proper. The time I got that Barbie convertible for my eighth birthday, the time I won the school talent show, even though I got suspended and then grounded, even the first time Naruto kissed me… All of these things pale in comparison to the fact that Naruto and I are now engaged and will be married after college. Even the throbbing pain in my ass and the sharper pain on my stomach dulls when I think that he asked me to marry him.

"So have you gotten any college acceptance letters yet?" Naruto asks.

"Yeah," I say. "Can you believe I'm going to be going to Oxford University in London? I'm hoping to major in forensic psychology"

"I _can_ believe it," Naruto says, grinning. "After all, you're at the top of our class. I think you could get in anywhere in the world without even trying."

I laugh.

"I wish it _were_ that easy," I say. "Where are you going to school?"

Naruto frowns.

"I applied to Tokyo University, New York University, Cambridge University, and Princeton University, but I haven't gotten anything yet. Honestly, I'm now hoping I get into Cambridge."

"I'm hoping you get into Cambridge too," I say. "I don't want to be halfway around the world from you."

"Well, we could always get webcams and Skype each other when possible if that happens," Naruto says, though he doesn't look happy about the thought.

"We could, but then we couldn't have regular make-out sessions anymore," I say, pouting a little. "Our relationship would be relegated to the back burner for four years while we study and try to get our respective degrees."

"Tcheh," he says, kissing me as he pulls up in front of my house. "As far as I'm concerned, you mean more to me than anything else. If you're in trouble, I will drop _whatever_ I'm doing to come help you out."

"_That's_ what I'm worried about," I mutter as we get out and walk up to the house. Or more, he walks, and I limp. It's amazing how I'm even managing to walk, considering how hard I got fucked into the shower wall by Naruto last night. "If you haven't graduated by the time I have, then we'll postpone the wedding until you've graduated too."

"Dammit, I _knew_ there was a catch somewhere in you agreeing to marry me," Naruto teases as he rings the doorbell. It's snowing lightly out, but all signs point to what will likely be a blizzard in the next hour or so.

After a few moments the door opens to reveal Fugaku. He looks drunk off his ass and his eyes narrow angrily when he sees the two of us.

"Where have you _been_?" he growls at me angrily.

"Celebrating Valentine's Day with Naruto," I say evenly. "You know that. Where are Mom and Nii-san?"

"Itachi's upstairs. Your mother's in the kitchen," says Fugaku. "She and I want to talk to you."

Naruto squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back.

"Please don't leave," I murmur quietly to him.

"I'm not," he whispers in my ear. "Something doesn't sit right with me."

Hand in hand, we walk into the kitchen.

Mom is slumped over the table, looking like she's run a marathon. When she sees us, she tries to smile, but her heart's not in it, I can tell.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I say. "What's going on?"

"You are not allowed to go back to Konoha High School," says Fugaku from behind us. "We are pulling you out and sending you to a Christian school on Okinawa. Maybe _this_ will cure you."

My stomach grows cold.

"Mom, is this true?" I ask.

"I'm sorry, honey," she says, looking into mine and Naruto's eyes, begging our forgiveness. "I _tried_ to talk him out of it, but his mind was made up. He had everything set up by the time he told me."

"We don't blame you, Mikoto-san," says Naruto, turning his head and glaring at Fugaku.

"The plane is tomorrow at ten," Fugaku says. "Your _friend_ will not be there to see you off." He directs his last comment at Naruto, who growls at him.

The cold in my stomach coalesces into icy rage.

"_Naruto _is not my _friend_," I say to Fugaku, my voice shaking passionately. "He is my boyfriend and my fiancé." I hold up my left hand so that Fugaku and Mom can both see the ring at the base of my finger. "We're getting married when we finally graduate from college."

It gives me a grim pleasure to see Fugaku turn purple with rage.

"You!" he growls dangerously at me and Naruto. "You _dare_ to go behind my back and get engaged without my _permission_? I refuse to acknowledge your 'engagement' as legitimate! If you are to get engaged it will be to a woman, not this… this Sodomite!"

Naruto snarls angrily. I take hold of his hand again, squeezing it in what is meant to be both a comforting manner and a warning.

"It's the twenty-first century, Fugaku," I say coldly. "And Japan acknowledges gay marriage if the ceremony is performed in another country. I don't _need_ your permission to get engaged or get married to Naruto. I refuse to be shipped off to some Christian academy or forced into marrying some girl just because you're embarrassed to have a gay son. And I do _not _need to be cured."

If possible, Fugaku turns even purpler and storms out of the room. Mom looks at us, shocked.

"Did you propose last night?" she asks Naruto.

"Yeah," he says. "After some long, hard, rough s-_mph_!" he gasps as I put my handover his mouth.

"You _really_ need to censor yourself in what you say to my mom, Naruto," I say irritably.

Mom gets a sly look on her face.

"Oh, so last night was just to butter him up so you could get him to say yes, wasn't it, Naruto-kun?" she says, giggling.

"Mom!" I say, feeling my cheeks heating up.

Naruto looks taken aback, but manages to shrug nonchalantly.

"Well, that _did_ factor into it a _little_," he says, blushing.

Mom giggles and waves me over.

"What?" I ask, staying where I am.

Mom sighs in exasperation.

"Just come over here and show me the ring!"

"If you say so, Mom," I grin, walking over.

There's a sharp pain in my right side, and then pain flares up in my chest and my left arm as well. Confused, I look down, and see blood blossoming across the side and sleeve of my white shirt. I turn around and there's Fugaku in the kitchen doorway, a gun in his hands, and a crazy gleam in his eyes.

"'If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.' Leviticus chapter twenty, verse thirteen," he quotes, bringing out his pocket Bible. There are tears in his eyes. "You left me no choice, Sasuke. I tried to show you that you were sinning in the eyes of God, and you refused to see."

Events seem to be unfolding in slow motion, and they seem to be happening in a tank full of water that muffles all sound. There's another shot, and I feel another brief pain as another bullet lodges itself in my body and then no pain, no tingling, nothing. My legs fail, and I begin to fall back, unable to stand. Naruto catches me and lowers me gently to the ground, but it doesn't matter; even with the likely partial paralysis everything else hurts more than anything I've ever experienced before. I cough violently, and I can taste the blood on my tongue, feel it seeping from the corners of my mouth. This is very bad; one of the bullets must have punctured a lung.

I hear Mom screaming, see Naruto jerk twice, and his eyes widen in shock and then close as he grimaces in pain. Blood seeps from the corner of his mouth, probably because he's biting his lip so hard to keep from giving voice to the pain evident on his face. I reach up a shaking hand and rest it against my boyfriend's cheek, trying to comfort him and ease his pain, and he looks at me with sky blue eyes that reflect pain, sadness, and anger. He turns his head and gently kisses the palm of my hand, trying to smile but managing only a grimace.

In the background I hear scuffling, and then a thud and a door slamming and locking, and Itachi's panicked voice as he calls the police, an ambulance, and Naruto's family. Naruto, unable to hold himself up anymore, falls to the ground with me still in his arms. Mom appears, kneeling on the floor by us, crying and saying my name over and over, begging me to stay with her, to hold on, help will be here soon.

The faint sound of sirens is getting louder with every wail until they're right outside the door. Itachi lets them in, and they swarm around me and Naruto. They try to hoist us onto separate gurneys, but I put my good arm around Naruto, and he holds me closer, refusing to let go of me. I know it's against standard procedure, but I don't care, and I'm sure Naruto doesn't either. If we die, we die together.

Since they can't waste the valuable time it would take to separate us, they do preliminary first aid and let us share a gurney. They stick us with IV drips and blood transfusion bags and put oxygen masks over our faces.

"Naruto…" I whisper, "I'm scared…"

"So am I… Sasuke," he says, brushing my hair out of my face. "But we still… have each other."

We are bought outside and loaded into the ambulance, and I feel myself drifting off. Terrified that I might never wake up, I grope for Naruto's hand, and he takes mine and gives it a little squeeze.

"We'll… wake up… _koishii_," he says, to reassure himself as much as to reassure me.

I smile as they start up the engine and my mom and Naruto's mom climb in. Then the darkness that I've been holding at bay for maybe half an hour finally overcomes me.

X33333333333333333

So the song in the middle of the story is my favorite Rammstein song, _Ich tu dir Weh, _or "I hurt you." It's about a sadomasochistic relationship, seemingly homosexual in nature ("Stacheldraht im harnkanal" is "barbed wire in the urethra," and since the entire song is about the lead singer -Till Lindemann- doing things to another person, it's a good bet he's not talking about himself in this line), and so for this chapter I thought it would be fitting.

So, you're probably wondering, "Sasaki, how can you be so unforgiving and cruel to your fellow humans?" The answer is, because I'm a sick and depraved human being with a sadomasochistic streak a mile wide. 'Nuff said.


	4. The God Illusion

**Chapter 4: The God Illusion**

**Naruto POV**

When I open my eyes, everything is white. I'm lying alone in the middle of nothing.

'_Where am I?' _I wonder.

"You are here," comes a voice from nowhere. It sounds neither like a man or a woman or any child, but rather like all of them at once.

I jump up and look wildly around for the owner of the voice.

"Who are you?" I call.

A purple mist in the vague shape of a person appears before me.

"I go by many names," it says. "Some people call me Yahweh, or Allah, or God. Others call me Brahmin, others the Life Force, and still others divide me into the many gods and goddesses of Shinto, Hinduism, or Wicca. Others see me in the Enlightened Ones of Buddhism. But you can call me whatever you like, Uzumaki Naruto. I see all, and yet I am nothing. I influence all, and all influence me."

I stand there, disbelieving. So this is the Man or Woman or Thing Upstairs. I feel cheated.

"So, if you're as all seeing as _you_ say you are, and if you can influence everyone and every_thing_, then why didn't you stop Uchiha Fugaku from shooting me and Sasuke?"

The Mist sighs.

"Unfortunately, Uchiha Fugaku is closed off from my influence."

My jaw must have dropped, because The Mist laughs.

"Ironic, eh? A man of the cloth, closed off from the God about which he preaches and to which he prays. I have heard _many_ prayers from him of late, prayers to me to show you two the sins of your ways." Its voice sounds amused.

"So you _don't _think that homosexuality is a sin?" I say.

"No," says The Mist. "I, or we, whatever you prefer, created the first humans with the ability to be different, after all. You wouldn't be interesting if you were all the same. But the way your fiancé talked to his father earlier was disrespectful."

"Don't you mean yesterday?" I say.

"I have been here since the beginning of time, Naruto," says The Mist. "You and I perceive time differently. What you call yesterday is only a few minutes ago to me."

"Whoa," I say.

"Indeed," says The Mist, "I don't expect you to understand. And you will have plenty of time to understand later, when you come here to stay."

"But I'm dead," I say. "Aren't I?"

"Not quite," says The Mist. "You are in what some call Limbo, and others call Purgatory. You are in the World between the Worlds. Come to think of it, your fiancé should be here too."

I look around, confused.

"But there's nothing as far as the eye can see," I say. "I'm confused as to what I'm even _standing_ on."

The Mist laughs in amusement.

"Picture where you want to be in your mind and you won't be standing on empty space," the voice says kindly. "Of course, if you want to be where your fiancé is, you must think of where he would be the most comfortable."

I think for a minute. We've been friends for years and dating for two, but sometimes I still think that trying to figure out what Sasuke likes the most should be a college course.

"An antique store?" I venture.

"Well, I don't know," says The Mist. "I guess you'll just have to find out, _won't_ you?"

As the makings of an antique store start to fade in around me, I ask The Mist a few last questions.

"So we're _not_ dead?" I say.

"I should say not," says The Mist. "Think of this as a waiting area while your earthly bodies are healed to the point where they are tenable again."

"And if I chose wrong I can think of another place and it will change?"

"Yes," says The Mist simply.

"Uh, okay," I mutter. "I still can't believe I actually talked with the Thing Behind It All…"

The room is huge, with hundreds upon thousands upon tens of thousands of items from every era of history. I wander a little, see an eighteenth century wedding dress, and vaguely wonder how Sasuke would look in it before a hand taps my shoulder lightly. I jump and turn around to see none other than my petit fiancé, his arms crossed over his chest and wearing an expression of displeasure.

"If you think I'm wearing _that_ to our wedding then you are delusional and need to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible," he says, raising an eyebrow.

"Holy _crap_, Sasuke!" I say, clutching my chest. "You _scared_ me!"

He grins and kisses me.

"_You_ were the one looking for _me_, right?"

"Well, yeah," I say, "but _still_. What if I'd been weak of heart and had a heart attack?"

"_Please_, Naruto," he smirks. "The only medical problem you have that we know about is asthma, and since we're not in our physical bodies that doesn't apply for the moment."

We stand there for a moment in silence, and then I speak.

"So what do you think is happening back there?" I ask.

"Do you mean with our physical bodies, or with Fugaku, or with our families?"

"Everything pertaining to what just went down."

"Well, they'll more than likely have discovered the scars on your stomach and the scabs on mine, so we'll have a lot to answer for when we finally wake up, _especially_ you," says Sasuke dryly. "We'll probably be in surgery for a while. Mom will probably be passed out somewhere, or else a nervous wreck. Itachi-nii will be either sitting with her, or else pestering the doctors for news. Fugaku will probably be in a jail cell or in an interrogation room or something. And as for your family, I have no idea."

"Oh, _I_ have _more _than an idea of what they'll be like," I say, shuddering. "Dad will be sitting quietly in the waiting room with Naruko, but Mom will be bugging the shit out of the doctors, and Kyuubi will probably get into a fight with Itachi at some point. I don't get _why_ they haven't started dating yet; they'd make a great couple."

Sasuke snickers.

"Well, for one, Itachi's straighter than a pole. Two, he and Kyuubi are too much alike."

"Don't let _them_ hear you saying that," I say half-jokingly, because of course he's right. Kyuubi's loud, and Itachi's quiet, but they're both stubborn and hot-tempered, and they'd do anything to protect their younger siblings. Yeah, under that cool exterior, Itachi has a really hot temper. When we told him that we were together, he threatened to castrate me, cut off my arms and legs, and leave me to the wolves if I ever hurt Sasuke. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't put it past him. The guy really loves his little brother.

We stand together in comfortable silence for a little while more, and this time Sasuke breaks it.

"I wonder what would happen if we didn't _want_ to go back," he says thoughtfully. "What would happen then? Would we move on to wherever it is dead people go? Or would we cease to exist?"

"To be honest, I wonder the same thing," I say. "I don't think we'd cease to exist, but I don't know what would happen. Maybe we'd stay wherever we chose for the rest of eternity, kind of like we're doing right now. Or maybe there really _is_ a paradise and a Hell, as it were, kind of like the paradise and the asphodel fields and the Tartarus of Greek mythology, and we'd go to one of those. I don't think anyone alive knows."

"And despite our current state, we are _certainly_ not dead," Sasuke says, putting into words what I'm thinking. "But if we're here, then how do our bodies survive?"

I hadn't thought about that.

"Maybe life support machines? I suppose that since the soul is more a concept than an actual thing, technically our bodies could still survive without us if our internal organs functioned properly."

"I suppose," he responds, though looking unsure.

Just then, the two of us are bathed in a soft light, and I feel a tugging sensation behind my navel.

"What in the world?" says Sasuke, confused. He must have felt the same thing.

"Time here isn't the same as Earth time," I explain. "One day on Earth is three minutes here, and we've been here for a little over fifteen minutes, according to that grandfather clock in the corner."

He looks where I'm pointing and makes a small noise of disbelief.

"So our bodies have been lying there uninhabited _for five Earth days_?"

"I guess so," I muse, "and now they're calling us back. I think it's kind of like a homing beacon."

"I don't know if I want to go back and face the pain and Mom questioning me about the cuts on my stomach."

"I'm scared of what your _brother_ will do to me for that if he gets his hands on me," I say, shuddering.

"I'll tell him to lay off," says Sasuke, rolling his eyes. "He can be overprotective at times."

"'At _times'_?" I say. "That is an understatement."

He laughs.

"I _still_ don't want to go back."

"You scared of what my family will say about the scars on my stomach?" I say. "I'll tell them to lay off."

He laughs again and kisses me.

"I'll go back only if you do."

"Funny, I was thinking the same thing. Let's go."

X3333333333333333

**Sasuke POV**

When I regain consciousness, it happens gradually. First the feeling of soft bedsheets under my fingertips and the cushy pillow beneath my head; then the sterile smell of a hospital room; then an annoying beeping sound that is probably a heart monitor and rustling noises from the other side of the room; and finally, my vision.

It's dark, but the moonlight is still strong enough to illuminate the room with a soft glow. Indeed I've been hooked up to a heart monitor, which has started to beep a little faster now that I'm awake, and there's an IV drip snaking its way down my arm. I find it uncomfortable, but I can't take it out. On one side of my bed is the window, and on the other side is a curtain, from behind which come groaning and grunting noises. I sigh in irritation.

Then I try to sit up. I get part of the way just using upper body strength and my arms, even though it hurts more than anything, but when I try to move my legs I get nothing in response. Not even a twitch from one of my toes. Puzzled, I try again.

"What in the _world_?" I mumble hoarsely; my voice is weak from five days of disuse.

"S'uke?" comes a quiet voice from the other side of the curtain.

"Naruto?" I ask.

"Yeah," says Naruto, and the curtain rustles as it's slowly pulled open, revealing his tanned features, fraught with worry. Even when he's in dire straits, he worries about me. It's kind of cute, even if it gets annoying at times. "How are you feeling?"

"The upper half of my body is in pain," I say, gritting my teeth against the aforementioned pain. "The lower half feels nothing."

Naruto gets out of bed, an idiotic move in my opinion, and with a hiss of pain hobbles over to my bedside and sits down on the edge after helping me sit up. Then just as suddenly he leaps up again.

"Oh shit, I just sat on your leg," he says apologetically.

"It's fine," I say dryly, "I didn't know you were sitting on my leg until you told me."

Naruto laughs a little, but his face is uneasy as he sits down, taking care not to sit on me again, though it wouldn't matter if he did.

"You can't feel anything?" he asks. "Anything at _all_?"

"No," I say with a shake of my head. "This… this doesn't change your feelings for me… does it?"

The look on his face is the same as it would probably be if I had just told him he had gotten drunk and slept with his own sister.

"Did you _really_ just ask that?" he says incredulously. "I thought you knew me better than _that_, Sasuke."

I lower my head, ashamed at having thought for even a second that Naruto would leave me just because of something like partial paralysis, especially after proposing to me. I feel a gentle hand grab my chin and my face tilts upward until I'm looking my fiancé in the eyes again. His light blue eyes are shining with tears, the small crystalline droplets just visible in the moonlight.

"When Fugaku shot you, my first thought was _not_ 'oh damn, now he's gonna be a cripple,' because you _know_ I would feel like the biggest ass in the _world_ if I _ever_ thought such a thing. My first thought was 'I've gotta protect him,' followed closely by 'To whom it may concern, please don't let my boyfriend die,' and also 'I can't live without him in my life.' I am _not_ a superficial person. Well, not entirely," he amends, and I smirk. We both know, as everyone should, that there would be no _way_ we'd be dating each other if there weren't _some_ sort of physical attraction, because physical attraction is always at least a small part of the foundation of any romantic relationship.

"But honestly," he continues on in a more serious tone, "if I ever let something like you being a paraplegic drive a wedge into our relationship I would personally deliver myself to Izanami bound and gagged. I could never face you, your family, myself, or my family again. I'll admit that if it_ is_ permanent it would be depressing –no more amazing sex like we had a few days ago- but it wouldn't diminish my feelings for you one bit. I still want to share the rest of my life with you, and I'm willing to take on any challenge to do it."

With that said he leans over with a small hiss of pain and kisses me. It tastes salty, from his tears and from the tears running down my own cheeks, but it also tastes like Naruto: the faint hint of lemons, along with mint and lavender. I don't care what he tastes like anyhow… I love him, he loves me, we're both alive, and even if that's all we had, even if our families shunned us for being the way we are, we could still move mountains. I never want this moment to end.

Unfortunately it ends abruptly when the door of the room slams open and the light turns on. Standing there is a very irate Itachi, and behind him are Kyuubi, Kushina, and Naruko, also angry. Behind them are Naruto's dad and my mom, both practically crying in frustration in an attempt to quell the madness that has been unleashed.

"_You_!" Itachi yells, striding over to us and poking Naruto hard in the chest, making him wince. "Explain why in the _hell_ my little brother has the words 'Naruto's property' carved into his abdomen!"

Naruko signs something angrily, and Kyuubi translates.

"And _you_," he snarls at me, "why does our brother have scars on his stomach that look very much like they spell 'property of Uchiha Sasuke'?"

We look at each other and burst out laughing.

"_Seriously_, guys?" Naruto says.

"It's no big deal," I finish for him.

"It was completely consensual," Naruto explains. "It's just part of our sexual exploits."

Everyone stares at us for a moment. Then Naruko claps a hand to her forehead.

"Idiot," she says very carefully, also signing it so as to leave no amount of misunderstanding about what she said. Then she signs something else at Naruto, who rolls his eyes.

"_You're_ the one who fantasizes about getting fucked in a graveyard surrounded by a shitload of dead people, and you're calling _us _sick?" he says out loud, also signing it.

"Seriously?" I say incredulously.

"Seriously," says Naruto with a nod of his head.

"Your twin sister. Naruko. Fantasizes about necrophilia."

"Pretty much."

"Are we talking about the same person?"

"There are _so_ many things you don't know about her, Sasuke-chan," says Kyuubi, grinning evilly.

"…Ew."

"Well, I'm glad my foolish little brother has at least _some_ conventional moral standards," says Itachi, rolling his eyes. I flip him off where Mom can't see me doing it.

Naruko screeches angrily and tries to get at her twin brother, but Kyuubi holds her back.

"If I wa'n't being hold back and you weren't a cripple I would kill you!" she yells, still in that careful annunciated way of hers when she's speaking out loud. "Mom and Dad were _not_ supposed to know that!"

Naruto's face reddens, and I can't hold in the giggles that bubble up from my chest and out through my mouth.

"I am _not_ a cripple!" he yells back, wincing. "Stop _laughing_ at me, Sasuke you bastard!"

Of course, that only makes me laugh harder.

Yeah, everything will be just fine.

X33333333333333

Oh, it will be more than fine, Sasuke. –Evil laughter- More than fine indeed.

Don't mind me… I've had too much caffeine. And I'm tired as fuck.

Oh yeah. So in Japanese mythology the god and goddess who created the earth and all the beings on it are Izanami and Izanagi. (These names may also seem familiar to you because they're the two forbidden Uchiha techniques.) They were husband and wife, and also cousins. I think the story is that after birthing the eight great islands of Japan and the hundreds (or thousands?) of smaller Japanese islands, Izanami burned to death giving birth to the fire gods and went to Yomi, the land of the dead. Izanagi went down to get her back, and she let him come down, on condition that he could never look upon her face. So, this being a typical myth and men in general being not very good listeners, whether they're gods or not, he disobeys and looks upon her face, which once was beautiful and now is covered with maggots and rot. She chases him from Yomi, and the former spouses become rivals.

In addition, they had two other children famous in Japanese mythology, Susano'o, the god of war, chaos, and all around violence, and Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun. This explains why in the series the mangekyou technique Amaterasu is flames that can't be extinguished except by the user, and Susano'o is the ultimate fighting weapon and defense.


	5. Four Years Later

**Chapter 5: Four Years Later**

**Naruto POV**

"Hey!" I yell at my friend and roommate Kaoru and his girlfriend, Yuki, who are making out on his bed. "Fucker! Clear out!"

"Oh shove it, Uzumaki," he says, giving me the finger. "Just because you want to masturbate doesn't mean we have to get out."

"I'm not _masturbating_," I say exasperatedly. "I'm going to be talking to-"

My computer starts to chime with the Skype ringtone.

"…Sasuke," I finish with a groan.

Kaoru's eyebrows rise.

"Go talk to your boyfriend elsewhere," he says. "I was here first."

"We _scheduled_ this, Kaoru," I snap, clicking the icon. "This happens _every_ time before he calls. It's on the board right behind you. Every other Saturday night you get the fuck out so I can talk to my fiancé _in private_. Sorry," I apologize to Sasuke, who looks amused. "Kaoru's being a dick."

"I've got one, but it doesn't define me!" Kaoru retorts.

My boyfriend sighs.

"So is Jonathan. You'd think he'd have better things to do, like go hang out with _his_ boyfriend. As it stands right now he doesn't want to leave. I don't know why."

I hear muffled speaking from offscreen, and then laughter. Sasuke turns his wheelchair around irritably.

"I don't _care_ that you're lazy," he says in English, and I marvel that he says it with very little accent. He sounds almost like an American. "You _know_ Saturday morning is the time that I usually talk with Naruto."

There's more muffled speaking, and this time my petit fiancé picks up a pen and throws it. There's more muffled laughter, and the sound of running feet. In the background, a door slams. I clap.

"Pure genius," I say. "I should try that with Kaoru."

"_What_ did you say, cocksucker?" says my friend.

"Wow, you _finally_ got it right," I say, rolling my eyes. "And we've been roomies and friends for what, three and a half years?"

Sasuke laughs.

"Fuck both of you sideways," says Kaoru.

I roll my eyes and pick up my computer, taking it out into the hall.

"Have fun with the mutual masturbation!" my friend calls after me.

"I'll take your dick and shove it up your _ass_, bitch," I say threateningly. "How's _that_ for masturbation?"

I hear him roaring with laughter as I walk down the hall.

"So how are things?" I ask as I walk into the common room and set the computer down on a coffee table.

"Relatively boring," Sasuke responds as I walk a little ways away. "The classes I have this semester aren't as bad as they were last semester."

"Do tell," I say, making a cup of black tea in the common room kitchenette and coming back to sit down.

"Well, last semester my Forensic Psychology professor was a balding jerk who needed to get laid. I was one of only three people out of thirty who passed the course. I mean, passing is great and all, but he _really _grades harshly. I almost _didn't _pass."

I press a hand over my heart and gasp theatrically.

"Uchiha Sasuke almost _failed_ a class?" I say. "The horror!"

Sasuke smirks at me.

"I had to get a tutor, as you should know if you've been paying attention to me when I speak during our Skype sessions," he says, rolling his eyes. "That was _incredibly_ embarrassing."

I fall over on the couch and pretend to have a seizure.

"Your maturity level will _never_ increase, will it?" Sasuke groans.

"Never," I say, grinning. "That's why you love me."

"That and the awesome sex whenever I come home on vacation," he says, grinning cheekily. I give him my best "aww shucks" expression.

"By the way, how is physical therapy going?" I ask in a more serious tone.

"It's not bad," says Sasuke, sighing. "As you well know from our sexual exploits, I've regained full feeling in my lower body, but I still can't walk very far without experiencing excruciating pain."

"Well still," I say comfortingly. "The doctors told us you wouldn't walk again _or_ regain feeling in your lower body, so you're a little over halfway to proving their stupid asses wrong. It may take a while, but you're getting there, _koishii_."

"I know, I know, but it's moving so _slowly_! It's been _four years_, for the love of all things sacred!" He growls in frustration. "I _hate _being confined to a wheelchair for most of the day! It's uncomfortable, and it's embarrassing and annoying having to be ferried around by Jonathan or his boyfriend Fritz all the time! Not only that, but it's frustrating because when I'm in Advanced Fashion Design I can't reach the top of the mannequin, and so I have to stand with the help of crutches or I have to have someone hold me up!"

"Well, obviously you've got good friends over there," I say dryly. "I thought only _I_ had the stamina to put up with your bitching all the time."

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, well, at least they're not as annoying as _you_," he says.

I clutch at my chest again.

"You _wound_ me, Sasuke!"

"I'm sure," he says, smirking. "Speaking of wounding, are your parents still giving you a hard time about the sadomasochism?"

"Is the sky blue?" I ask, groaning.

"Actually, it's gray here a majority of the time," says my boyfriend with a straight face. "And foggy. And rainy. It's a wonder the United Kingdom hasn't drowned in the water that comes down on an almost daily basis."

"Oh shut up," I say irritably, and Sasuke laughs. "You _know_ what I mean. Dad says no self-respecting couple would do the things that we do to each other. I tell him that we're twenty-two, we can take care of ourselves, and what we do in bed is none of his business. Of course, that results in Mom throwing all manners of things at me for talking that way to my father whilst my deadbeat older brother laughs maniacally and Naruko shakes her head and wonders how in the hell she got stuck with such a crazy family."

He snickers.

"'Crazy' is an understatement," he says. "Naruko seems to be the _least_ 'crazy' of the bunch, despite the necrophilia. Sometimes _I_ wonder how she got stuck with all of you."

"Hey!" I say indignantly. "I _resent_ that!"

"Whatever, dobe. Has Kyuubi still not gotten a job? You would think that with his skill set your dad would take him on as his head of public affairs."

"Tcheh," I snort. "Kyuubi only cares about his artwork. It's not even _artwork_! It's just a bunch of garbage glued together that he calls fancy names!"

"Wow, tell me how you _really_ feel," says my fiancé sarcastically. "Have he and Itachi gotten into any fights?"

"Not that I know of," I reply. "Of course, I haven't talked to him in a while, so Itachi could've killed him and hidden the body somewhere. If that's true you know I will personally take _great_ pleasure in torturing your brother for the whereabouts of the remains."

"Of that I have no doubt," says Sasuke. "I _also_ have no doubt that if you torture my brother I will pay you back tenfold the next time we have sex."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Is that supposed to be a _punishment_?" I say cockily. "It sounds more like a _reward_ to me."

"I never said it _was_ a punishment in the _first_ place," he smirks.

"You _implied_ it," I say in an accusatory tone.

"No," he corrects me, "I _inferred_ it. _You_ implied it."

"Well excuse _me_, Mister Brainiac," I say, sticking my tongue out immaturely. "The point is, it's _still_ not a punishment, because I would enjoy every second of whatever _hellishly_ delicious torture you have in mind for the next time we have sex."

"Not if it involves no sex at _all_," Sasuke says, grinning smugly.

"Really?" I whine. "You're an asshole, Sasuke."

"I do have one, as does every other person on this planet," he shoots back.

I give him the finger.

"Well, we can't very well do it right _now_, seeing as we're thousands of miles apart."

"Well, in a few months we both graduate, so that solves _that_ problem!" I grin.

"Solves what problem?" says someone from the background on Sasuke's side. He groans.

"I taught Jon Japanese," he says. "He does quite well when it comes to understanding it, unfortunately for us. His accent is _atrocious_ though. I thought you were with Fritz!" he adds to Jonathan.

There's muffled speaking and then a guy's face invades the screen. I assume it's Jon. According to Sasuke, Jon is either Scottish or Irish, I can't remember which. He has flaming red hair, blue eyes, and major freckles.

"So I'm finally meeting the famous Naruto!" he says. Beside him Sasuke is looking resigned and annoyed. "I've seen pictures of you before, but never actually gotten a chance to talk to you! How are you?"

I blink.

"Sasuke's right," I finally say. "Your Japanese _is_ atrocious."

My fiancé smirks, and Jon gapes indignantly.

"I'd like to hear _you _speaking _English_!" he says. "By the way, are you full Japanese? I don't think I've _ever_ seen a Japanese person with naturally blond hair."

'I'm half Japanese," I say, slightly taken aback. "My mom's half Irish, and my dad's half German."

"Ooh, what part of Ireland?" squeals Jon.

"Uhm, I dunno?" I say bemusedly.

"This has been really nice, Jon," says Sasuke, pushing his overenthusiastic roommate out of the way of the screen, "but seriously, get out. I'm trying to talk to Naruto."

"But-"

"_Out_!"

"Naruto, does he treat _you_ like this?"

"Only all the _time_," I say, rolling my eyes and smiling in mock sympathy. "To think that I get to deal with it twenty-four-seven once we get married just fills me with a joy I can't describe. The only consolation I have is that he's not a girl, or it would be _much_ worse."

"I'll kill you both," growls my boyfriend, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers and closing his eyes as Jonathan laughs uncontrollably. A vein throbs in his forehead. "Yeah, keep it up, asshole!" he yells at Jonathan.

"Uh-oh," I say, "you'd better stop before he goes into Hulk Mode."

"Ahahahaha, I'm so sorry," comes Jonathan's voice from the background. The laptop moves as Sasuke picks it up, and I hear "Okay, okay, I'm _leaving_!"

When his laptop is back on the desk, he sighs in irritation.

"You two are such _children_," he says tiredly. "I am _never_ going to let you two be together in the same room unless I have you under heavy sedatives."

"I'm sorry, S'uke," I say sincerely. "I couldn't resist messing with you. I guess it was too much…"

"You _guess_?"

"Fine, it _was _too much," I amend. "Now what were we talking about before Jon interrupted?"

"Honestly, I don't remember. It must not have been that important. How are your classes going?"

"Not too bad," I say. "This year I'm one of the senior 'international' and Op. Ed. columnists of the campus paper, and the _Tokyo Shinbun_ saw some of my work and offered me a job with them when I graduate."

"Oh my god," says Sasuke, "that's _great_, Naruto! What was the piece about?"

"It was a humorous editorial skewering the 2016 presidential race in the United States, which I've been following like a hawk. Seriously, you'd think most Americans would have more sense than to go for the people on the extreme ends of the political spectrum. That Rick Santorum guy seems just as Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs as he was in 2012; I don't know _why_ he's on the ballot again after his disastrous run in the last presidential election."

"I'm positive that he _is_ Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs," he says, rolling his eyes. "I can't believe he's stayed in the race for so long when his views are so far off the mainstream Republican platform that there's little hope of him getting the American Independent voters. And that Sarah Palin woman? She's a joke! Personally, I'm more partial to Hillary Clinton."

"I totally agree," I say, "but I didn't know you were following it too."

"I watch the BBC World News every night over Jon's objections, and I have an online subscription to the _Tokyo Shinbun_ as well as paper subscriptions to the _New York Times, Der Spiegel,_ and _La Monde Friede_, dobe," Sasuke tells me. "Would you expect anything _less_?"

"No, because it's _you_ we're talking about," I say, grinning. "I'd be shocked if you _didn't_ follow it with an almost anal obsession."

My computer beeps, and I look up in the upper corner. My battery is almost out.

"Dammit," I groan, picking up the computer and beginning my tip up the stairs back to my dorm room. "Sasuke, I have to go. The battery is dying."

"When was the last time you plugged it in?" he asks.

"Last night," I say irritably. "I think there's something wrong with my computer, because the battery was at seventy-five percent when I started talking to you, enough for at least two hours of power without the chord. We've been talking for only about half an hour and it's at _ten_ percent. How in the _fuck_ do you explain _that_?" As if to punctuate my irritation, the computer beeps again, showing me I'm down to eight percent. "This is a useless piece of shit," I mutter as I stop in front of my dorm room door. "I'm considering getting a new computer if I can't figure out what is wrong with this one."

I open the door, and my first thought is, _'Why the fuck is there someone on my bed?' _Then I realize who it is and what is happening.

"Dude, what the fuck are you _thinking_?" I yell. "Do that shit on your _own_ bed!"

Kaoru jumps and pulls out of his girlfriend. Yuki shrieks and covers herself with my _Bleach _blanket. Sasuke went on a foreign exchange program to Germany for a semester last year, and he went to a local anime convention on a day off and got it for me. When I get lonely at night (not in that way), I wrap myself in it and inhale his lingering scent, which is going to be gone now because I have to wash it, because it's probably going to be stained.

Yep, I'm gonna murder Kaoru.

"Your bed's more comfortable!" he whines. "And there's _shit_ on my bed!"

"I don't _care_!" I snap. "When have I _ever _given you permission to use my _bed_? Especially for _those_ purposes? If you want to do that, clean off your _own_ bed!"

He and his girlfriend look sheepish and start cleaning themselves up.

"If I find stuff on my bedsheets _or_ my _Bleach _blanket, fuckface," I snarl, "I will have your dick and ballsack on a silver platter. I have to go _now_," I add to Sasuke.

"What happened?" he asks worriedly.

"My friend and his girlfriend are…" I shut the door and shudder. "Or were… You know what; I'll tell you the next time we get a chance to talk, when I'm _not _freaking out and wanting to kill Kaoru."

My fiancé's face turns pale.

"No _way_!" he says, disgusted. "That's sick…"

"I know," I say. "I'll _murder_ the bastard if he gets cum on anything you've given me, I _swear_. _Aishiteruze, utsukushii_."

"You're just so _cute_ when you get all overprotective," he teases me with a wink. "_Aishiteruze_, _koishii._"

Smiling, he kisses the tips of his fingers and presses them to the screen. I do the same, and then the screen goes blank as my computer dies.

"All right, bitch," I yell irritably, "you'd better be _off_ my bed and _fully_ clothed before I count to ten, or I'll kill you both where you _lie_! The same goes if you got _any_ cum on the bear at the end of my bed! That was an anniversary present from Sasuke!"

I hear a muffled "shit," and I growl angrily.

"I'm gonna _kill_ you, Kaoru!" I yell.

X33333333333333333

**Sasuke POV**

_Two Months Later…_

"Zo vere are you two planning on getting married?" Fritz asks me as he rests his head in Jon's lap. In his tired state, his German accent has become thicker.

"Well, now that Japan's legalized gay marriage, we're doing it at home," I say. "As for the honeymoon, I don't know. Naruto's partial to spending two weeks in Germany, but I'm more partial to a road trip across the United States."

"Vy America?" he says indignantly.

"It's nothing personal, Fritz," I say. "I've just never been to the United States before."

"_Never_?" says Jon, shocked. "I thought that since your family's rich you would travel everywhere!"

"I never said we were _rich_," I say with a sigh, "I just said we were _well-off_. And Mom's been having financial problems since the messy divorce from Fugaku."

"Vait, you call your _vater _by his first name?" says Fritz. "If I ever did dat to _eizer_ of my parents dey vould gib me a hiding."

"Yeah, well Fugaku lost the right to be called 'Father' around the time I turned ten," I bite out.

"Wow, Sasuke, tell us how you _really_ feel," says Jon, and I laugh, turning the desk chair back around to face my laptop, on which my Forensic Psychology final essay is slowly taking shape.

"Can you _blame_ me?" I ask rhetorically. "He tried to shove his stupid Christianity –no offense meant, guys- down my throat from the time I was ten until he finally got locked up and treated me, Mom, and my older brother with contempt because we refused to convert. When he learned that I was gay, he freaked out. And when I told him that Naruto and I were engaged, he tried to kill both of us. Luckily for us, he was too drunk to aim the gun properly, but he still did a lot of damage, as you can see. Yeah, I have no respect or pity for someone like him."

"Well, at least your folks _know_ about you," Jon says. "I'm still terrified of telling mine about me and Fritz. They're hardcore Roman Catholics who adhere strictly to the Bible. Me mam goes to confession every day, and me dad strictly observes the Sabbath. Their house is filled with statues of the Virgin Mary and hanging crucifixes. And they're _huge_ homophobes. If they found out they'd ban me from their house and never let me talk to my little sister Maire again."

"Ugh," I say sympathetically. "Luckily Mom refused to let Fugaku bring his work home, or our house would have looked the same way your parents' house does. The only difference would be the architecture."

Jon snickers.

Just then the Skype ringtone chimes.

"What the hell?" asks Jon. "Don't the people back home usually call on Saturday mornings?"

I check the Skype caller ID.

"Yeah," I say, confused. "It's Naruto. It must be an emergency for him to be calling me so early in the morning on a Wednesday."

I click on the icon, and immediately the screen is filled up by Kyuubi's face. I start.

"Kyuubi?" I ask, shocked. "Where's Naruto?"

"He's in the hospital," says Kyuubi.

My heart stops. Suddenly the air is very hard to breathe, and my body feels ten pounds heavier. Behind me on the bed I hear a shocked gasp from Jonathan, and Fritz asks "Vot?" bemusedly.

"W-why?"

"He got into an accident, Sasuke-chan," says Naruto's mom, coming into the frame beside Kyuubi. "From what we've gathered he had developed a fever earlier today, but after classes he went to a bar with his friend Kaoru, drank a couple of beers, and on the way back to their dorm he stepped out in the road, not paying attention to where he was, and got hit by a car. The driver was some old man in the beginning stages of dementia that had gotten lost and ended up on campus."

"How bad is it?"

"We don't know. The doctors haven't come out to give us any conclusive summary of his injuries. He's in surgery at the moment."

"Oh my god," I say faintly. "Oh my god."

Naruko appears in the screen and begins to sign to me. Luckily, since I left for Oxford I've become much better at reading and speaking Japanese Sign Language.

"_Don't worry, Sasuke-kun, he should be fine," _she says._ "It might postpone your wedding though…"_

I almost laugh. I completely forgot about the wedding in light of the horrible news.

"_Naruko," _I sign, _"I'm coming back on the first flight I can get. Whether it's tomorrow or the next day, I'm not sure. What hospital are you at?"_

"He's at the hospital near Tokyo University," says Kushina-san. "Tokyo Regional Medical Center. When can you get here?"

"Well like I said, I don't know," I say, also signing my words. "I'll be there as soon as I can. I've got to get a flight and pack a bag, so I'll call you or email Naruko when I get a flight."

"All right," says Kushina-san worriedly. "Safe travelling, Sasuke-chan."

"Thank you, Kushina-san," I say, disconnecting the call.

"Vat happened, Sasuke?" asks Fritz, sitting up.

"Naruto was hit by a car last night Tokyo time," I say numbly, still trying to wrap my head around the news. The last time I talked to him, four days ago, he was absolutely fine, or at least seemed that way.

Oh god, Naruto… The idiot! He should _not _have gone drinking! At the very least, Kaoru should have noticed something was wrong beforehand and stopped Naruto from drinking.

"How bad is it?" Jon asks, his green eyes filled with worry.

"They…" I murmur, and I hate the way my voice cracks. "They don't know yet…"

"Oh, honey," he sighs, reaching over and hugging me. I hug back, bury my face in his shirt, and cry. Cry because I'm scared. Cry because I don't know what I'll do if this turns out to be worse than anyone thought. Cry until I have no more tears left. Finally when I'm done, I wipe my eyes and look at my friends.

"Do you need any help getting back?" says Fritz. "I can try to find a nonstop flight for you if you vant."

"That would be helpful," I sniffle, trying to smile a little. "Could… could you two come with me?"

They both look at me, and I think they're going to say no, but then their faces light up in smiles.

"Of course," says Jon. "You don't have to pay for us," he says, seeming to read my mind as I open my mouth. "Fritz and I can pay for our tickets and lodging. You just focus on Naruto, honey."

I smile in what I hope looks like a grateful manner.

"Thanks, guys…"

X333333333333333

Well, hi there! Yeah, the last part of this chapter –the Sasuke POV part- was written while I was on a double dose of Vicodin (I had my wisdom teeth taken out and it hurts like a _bitch_), so I'm afraid it's not very good. However, there is one more chapter, so hopefully it will redeem the ending of this chapter.

I also have noticed that I'm acting stranger than I usually do. And that's saying something if I notice that I'm acting weird and am actually _bothered_ by it, because I'm already pretty fucking weird as it is. And it started after the removal of the wisdom teeth. I'm wondering if it's the Vicodin or the aftereffects of the anesthesia, or if somehow the nerves were damaged so as to make me act weirder than usual. God I hate Vicodin. I think the shit killed a few brain cells. I hate wisdom teeth even more. This was a complete non-sequitur. You will not speak of it to anyone. Good night.


	6. The Love that Binds Us

**Chapter 6: The Love that Binds Us**

**Sasuke POV**

"_Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are now descending onto the runway of Narita International Airport. I must request that you kindly put your tables and seats in the upright positions, and turn off any electronics you have turned on in the course of this flight. Thank you for flying Japan Airlines. It has been a pleasure to be your captain today."_

Twenty minutes later we are inside the terminal. Since we're only allowed so much in terms of baggage, I didn't bring my wheelchair. As a result, my legs are thoroughly exhausted and screaming with pain. When Jon goes away for a few minutes and comes back with an airport-issued one, I feel like hugging him as I ease myself onto the seat.

We show our passports to the uniformed woman at the desk, and she gives us all a friendly smile.

"Enjoy your stay!" she says brightly, waving us on. "Enjoy" isn't the word I would use, but I keep that to myself and just nod my thanks.

"So where are Naruto's parents and siblings?" asks Jon. "Did they give you a location?"

"They just said they'll be on the ground floor of the terminal," I say. "Don't worry; you'll be able to spot them right away."

"Vy?" asks Fritz. "Everyone here dat I haff already seen has eizer black hair or brown hair. No offense," he says hastily when I raise an eyebrow.

"Just look for a group of blondes and redheads," I say.

"You mean over there?" says Jon, pointing.

I look, and right in the middle of the airport terminal stands Naruto's family. Right next to them are my mom and Itachi. When they see me, they all smile and wave. I wave back as we move toward them. As soon as I'm close enough, Mom comes over and pulls me to her in a hug.

"Sasuke, my baby!" she squeals, practically crushing me.

"Ouch, Mom!" I gasp as I hear my bones creak. "Mom, that _hurts_!"

"Oh, sorry," she says sheepishly, pulling away, only to be replaced by Naruko, who hugs even harder. Yep, I just felt something crack.

"_Naruko,"_ I sign frantically, _"get off! That hurts! Did you not just hear me tell my mom that?" _I emphasize my point with a sharp poke to her ribs, and she lets go, looking guilty.

"_Sorry," _she says. _"I've just been so anxious lately…"_

"_Well, I don't blame you. I've been anxious too. Any word on how Naruto's doing?"_

"_Well, the surgery went all right," _Naruko says. _"Naruto's in a medically induced coma in the ICU right now, to keep his brain from swelling."_

I roll my eyes.

"_No medically induced coma will keep his brain from swelling," _I say. _"He has a huge ego."_

Naruko laughs.

"_God I've missed you," _she says, grinning. I grin back.

"_That crazy at home, hunh? Come on, are we going to the hospital or not?"_

"_You're so impatient," _she smirks.

"Who are your friends?" asks Itachi, crossing his arms. "I think you forgot your manners, foolish little brother."

I glare at him.

"Oh, sorry," says Jon. I note that his Japanese accent, while still horrible, has improved quite a bit. "I'm Jonathan O'Connelly, and this is my boyfriend, Fritz Schneider."

"A pleasure to meet you," says Itachi in English, moving forward and shaking their hands. "May I note that your Japanese is incredibly fluent but that your accent is, to put it kindly, lacking?"

Jon turns to me and Fritz.

"Why is it that all you guys ever seem to notice is that my accent _sucks_?" he groans.

"It's because it sticks out like a sore thumb," I say, snickering.

X33333333333333333333

As we wind through the streets of Tokyo, everyone fills me in on details I've missed.

"Minato _finally_ got elected to the Japanese Parliament!" says Kushina-san excitedly, hugging her husband. "It took him years to get the kind of following to run for office, but he did it!"

"Wow, that's great, Namikaze-san!" I say sincerely.

"Namikaze?" asks Jon. "I thought your boyfriend's last name was Uzumaki."

"It is," I reply. "Kushina-san kept her maiden name when she and Minato-san married, but Naruto didn't want his last name hyphenated, so when he was old enough he was given a choice, and he chose Kushina-san's last name."

"We keep telling you, you don't need to use honorific titles for us, Sasuke-chan!" whines Kushina-san. "It makes me feel old!"

I offer a shrug.

"Sorry; old habits die hard," I explain. "Besides, you guys _still_ haven't stopped calling me 'Sasuke-chan'. I'm not a kid anymore, and it's not my fault I'm small. I'm twenty-two."

Minato-san laughs.

"So I've finally got a job!" says Kyuubi excitedly.

"Really?" I say, genuinely curious. "What is it?"

"Whatever it is, Namikaze, I bet it's got something to do with that pile of crap you call a sculpture up in your bedroom," says Itachi, smirking.

"I'd like to see you make a better one, Mr. the Stick up My Ass Automatically Makes Me an Expert Art Critic," snaps Kyuubi.

"Kyuubi!" warns Kushina-san.

"He wouldn't know art if it came up to him and fucked him in the ass with a hot glue gun!" says Naruto's older brother irritably. I laugh, and Itachi's eyes narrow in anger. "I run a new art gallery in Konoha."

"Someone please explain to me vat the hell ist going on?" asks Fritz irritably; he's the only one in this whole van who doesn't understand a word of Japanese. "I sought you vere going to be my translator, Jon!"

"Sorry," says Jon, chuckling. "Apparently Naruto's older brother is an artist, and Sasuke's older brother doesn't think highly of his artwork."

"An artist?" says Fritz interestedly. "I vould like to see his artvork."

I relay his words to Kyuubi, who grins triumphantly.

"See, asshole?" he crows.

"He said he'd like to _see_ it," says Itachi, "not that he _likes_ it, which I doubt he will after seeing it. Thank you, Sasuke, for inflating his already oversized ego."

"Up yours, Ice Princess," snaps Kyuubi.

The temperature drops fifty degrees as my brother sends a death glare at Naruto's older brother.

"_Never_," he says softly, "call me 'Ice Princess' _again_."

"Well then stop acting like it, _Ice Princess," _says Kyuubi, smirking.

I snicker.

Itachi snarls.

"You're a dead man, Namikaze."

"Cut it out, Nii-san," I say with a sigh.

"Would _you _sit and take it if someone called you 'Ice Princess'?" Itachi snaps.

"I do it all the time with Naruto," I say, rolling my eyes. "You learn to ignore it pretty quickly, or else come up with your own insults."

"See?" says Kyuubi. "If your younger brother can take it, then so can you! Man up, Uchiha!"

Itachi doesn't speak the rest of the way to the hospital.

X3333333333333333

"Oh my," says Jon as we walk through the door of Naruto's room in the ICU.

"Oh my" doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling as I wheel myself into the room and move toward the bed. I look at my fiancé in shock.

Naruto's face is mostly intact, except for a large bruise that runs from his left temple all the way to his cheek, but all of his hair has been shaved off, showing the large bandage that I assume covers an incredibly nasty gash. There are six bumps visible under the bandage, likely the sutures holding the edges of the wound together. His right arm is in a cast, as is his left ankle. An oxygen mask covers the lower half of his face, and tubes and wires have been stuck into and onto what seems to be every inch of visible skin. He looks very pale.

I gingerly touch his head, caressing it gently, and then work my way down to his chest, which has been heavily bandaged. When I touch it with nothing more than the tips of my fingers, he moans faintly, his face contorting slightly into a mask of pain.

"Oh Naruto," I murmur quietly to him, letting tears slip down my face. "_Koishii_…"

Naruko hugs me, and I hug her back.

"Careful," she says, "you're showing emotion, Sashke-kun."

I laugh a little.

The nurse comes in to take Naruto's temperature and measure his vital signs.

"Is there any chance I can stay the night and watch over him?" I ask her quietly.

"What is your relationship to the patient, sir?" she asks, peering at me.

"I'm his fiancé," I say quietly, looking back at Naruto.

"I'm sorry, but only immediate family members can stay," she says, as if reciting off of a notecard.

Jon grits his teeth.

"So they're engaged," he grinds out, "but he's not allowed to stay and look after his future husband?"

"I'm sorry, sir," says the nurse politely, "but only direct family members are allowed to stay."

"Well," says Minato-san calmly, walking in, "as far as we're concerned, Sasuke-chan _is_ family."

The nurse looks nervous.

"Sir," she says, "unless they've been officially married, he's not-"

"I really don't believe you want _me_ making a fuss to the head doctor about this," says Minato-san, his voice turning steely.

The nurse gulps.

"Y-yes, sir," she says. "I'll see to it that he gets permission to stay."

She runs out past Minato-san.

"Ugh, so much red tape," he mutters. I snort.

"Indeed."

A few minutes later, the nurse returns with a permission form.

"I'll need you to sign here," she says to Minato-san, "and for you to sign here." She nods at me and indicates the area under which Minato-san is signing.

When we've both signed the form, she leaves again. When she comes back, it's with a tag that says "Overnight visitor" in bold characters. She gives it to me, and I nod my thanks to her as I put it on my shirt.

"When we're finally married stuff like this won't be such a pain anymore," I grumble.

Fritz and Jon hug me again and then leave, closing the door gently behind them, leaving me alone with Minato and the twins.

"_Do you need any help settling in for the night?" _Naruko asks.

"_I'd appreciate it, yeah," _I sign back.

"I'll go ask the nurse for a cot," says Minato, leaving the room.

"_So Naruto told us you've regained some of your ability to walk," _says Naruko.

"_Yeah," _I say, _"but only for short periods of time. At the moment my limit is fifteen minutes."_

"_Well that's not too bad," _says Naruko encouragingly. _"Last time we saw you, you couldn't even stand, so being able to walk for fifteen minutes is pretty amazing."_

"_I know," _I say, _"but the recovery is moving so slowly, and I'm tired of being in physical pain all the time."_

Naruko smiles and tousles my hair.

"_Since when have you been so impatient, Sasuke?"_

"_I don't know what you're talking about, Naruko,"_ I say, rolling my eyes. _"I've always been impatient. I'm just better at hiding it than Naruto."_

"_That is true," _she says, laughing.

"What's true?" asks Minato, dragging in a cot.

"_That Sasuke-kun is better at hiding his impatience than Naru-nii," _says Naruko.

"I thought he was infinitely patient," Minato-san says with a joking wink at me. I laugh.

"I wish," I say, signing as well. "Learning how to walk again is painful and time-consuming, and it annoys me to no end."

"Well, stick to it and in a while you'll be able to dance around like you did in ninth grade," he says.

"_Why_ does everyone keep bringing that up?" I groan as I help him and Naruko put the sheets on the roll-away cot. "I wish I hadn't signed up for that talent show…"

"If you've got a gift you shouldn't let it go to waste," says Minato-san simply.

I can feel my cheeks heating up and duck my head so they can't see the blush spreading across my face.

"Do you need any more help?" asks Minato-san when the bed is set up.

"No, thanks," I say. "I'll be fine. Thanks for getting them to let me stay the night."

"No problem," he says, smiling kindly. "Sleep well, Sasuke-chan."

"Thanks, Minato-san," I say, privately thinking that I won't be able to sleep properly until Naruto finally wakes up.

He and Naruko both hug me and then leave me alone with Naruto.

"Well, it looks like I'm allowed to stay with you for the night," I say softly to him, stroking his cheek. "I've wanted to come home and see you again for months; I just never imagined it would be under these circumstances, dobe. I'll be right back after I change into my nightclothes."

When I come back from the bathroom, I climb into bed, trying to ignore the pain in my legs, and open my laptop, pulling up my term paper. I'm not tired yet; I might as well try to get some work done.

X33333333333333333

**Naruto POV**

_A week later…_

_Tick tack clackety teka clackity clack teka clackety click clackety teka clackety teka!_

What the hell is that noise? If Kaoru is going through my computer again I _swear_ I'm gonna kill him.

_Screqueeeeeeeeeeeee…_

_Beep, beep, beep…_

I try to tell Kaoru that he needs to turn off his damned cell phone, that the alarm pisses me off. I also want to tell him that he really needs to get a new mattress, that his old one is loud and pissing me off, but I can't move my lips to form the words, or my tongue. My whole body feels heavy.

'_That's odd,' _I think. _'This doesn't smell like my dorm… It smells more like a _hospital_…'_

I try to open my eyes to look around, but they feel like they've been soldered shut. Internally I begin to panic. There's something wrong with my body… I only remember feeling sick and having a massive headache, and that I had a few beers with Kaoru. Maybe I'm sleeping off a hangover. That would make sense; my head hurts like a bitch. And my chest, and my leg, and my arm.

What the fuck, why would _they_ hurt?

Just as I'm about to have a nuclear meltdown in the center of Narutoville, a soft singing begins. It's beautiful, and for one insane moment I think I've died and gone to heaven because it's so sweet.

"Wa~y down, I've been wa~y down underneath this skin, waiting to hear my name again," the person sings, and I recognize the song. It's called _Swimming Home, _by Evanescence. I know only one person who likes Evanescence and who also has a gorgeous singing voice…

'_Sasuke…'_

No way. We've still got three months to go before graduation; Sasuke shouldn't be back yet. I've got to be hallucinating, or still dreaming, or something. I try to open my eyes to stop the dream, but while I get a twitch from my eyelids this time, that's all I get.

Computer keys keep clacking, and the singing continues.

"I'm sor~ry; nothing can ho~ld me. I adore you still~, but I hear them calling, and nothing can hold me."

I now have some control over my hands, so I dig my nails into the palms of my hands, to make sure I'm not dreaming. Judging by the pain, I don't think I am dreaming, which means that Sasuke really is here.

So if Sasuke's here and this place smells like a hospital…

Something must have happened to me. I try to remember what might have happened, but I can't remember anything after the second beer I had with Kaoru. Damn him for convincing me to go drinking with him, and fuck me for being an idiot and accepting!

I try to call out to my fiancé, but my voice is almost inaudible and I gather he's got headphones on and can't hear me anyhow. I try to move my left hand toward the sound of his voice, but I can't reach very far before I meet resistance, namely a hospital bed guardrail. I make a small sound of irritation and finally pry my eyes open and turn my head to the left.

The room is dark, except for a lamp on the bedside table to my left. And there, curled up like a cat on a roll-away hospital bed and dressed in a long-sleeved nightshirt and pair of boxers that I gave him for Christmas, is Sasuke. His dark hair is tousled, and midnight blue eyes are focused intently on the screen of his laptop. He's typing like crazy, stopping occasionally only to rub sleep out of his eyes or to take a sip of black tea from the mug on the bedside table between me and him. The reading glasses he wears when he reads computer material keep sliding down the bridge of his nose, and every once in a while he'll stop and push them back up irritably, then continue typing. The sight of it is so cute and so familiar that I can't help smiling.

"Aheh heh heh," I chuckle, and then wince and clutch at my chest. That chuckle hurt quite a bit. The motion gets Sasuke's attention, and he looks over at me. He sighs, rubs his eyes, and starts to go back to whatever it is he's typing, and then he does a double-take.

For a moment we stare into each other's eyes, and then he places his laptop and his reading glasses on the bed –carefully- then gets out of bed and stands over my bed, looking down at me as if he can't believe his eyes. I can't believe my eyes either; not only is Sasuke here, but he's standing on his own two feet, something that he could barely do last summer vacation, which is the last time we saw each other in person. I smile at him.

"Hey, beautiful," I say softly. "God I missed you…"

He looks at me for another few seconds, his face a confliction of emotions, and then smacks me. Holy crap can he hit hard; my face stings, and the slap echoes throughout the room.

"You son of a _bitch_!" he screams at me. "You go to a bar and get buzzed, even though you had a fucking _fever_? You get yourself hit by a goddamn _car_ and land yourself in the fucking _hospital_; you scare the living _shit_ out of me and your parents and siblings; and you don't even _apologize_! You _dick_! I can't even fucking _believe_ you!"

"Wha…!" I say, confused and scared. I have never seen Sasuke this riled up, or heard him swear so much.

"Don't you _dare_ 'what' me!" he says angrily, sticking his index finger in my face. "_You_, Uzumaki Naruto, are an _asshole_! Have you _any_ idea what you put us through! Fuck that, have you any idea what you put _me_ through? I had no idea how badly you were hurt until I got here; that's an _entire twenty-four hours_ I went with out _any_ fucking news _whatsoever_! At one point you flatlined, and I thought I was going to _lose_ you! Have you _any_ fucking idea how it felt for me to have to watch them send electric shocks through your body in an attempt to revive you?"

I pull him to me in an attempt to calm him down. For a moment he fights against me, pushing on my chest, and I grit my teeth against the pain. Then he just gives up and holds me, crying like a small child.

"Don't _ever_ do that again, you bastard!" he sobs. "Don't fucking _do_ that to me!"

When he's quieted down a little, I push him back a little so I can look him in the eyes.

"I _do_ know how you felt, Sasuke," I tell him quietly. "I watched the same thing happen to you in tenth grade."

Taking hold of his sleeve, I pull it up to reveal the ugly diagonal gash on his wrist, rubbing it gently. He looks ready to beat the crap out of me, but then the anger crumbles, leaving behind only fear, sorrow, guilt, and more tears.

"I'm sorry I scared you, _koishii,_" I whisper as I hold onto him tightly. "I'm so, so, _so_ sorry…"

X3333333333333333333

"Zo your hair, it ist naturally blond?" Fritz asks me.

"We've gone over this already," I snap. "Yes, this is my natural hair color! And I am not wearing colored contacts; my eye color is naturally light blue!"

"And your hair has alvayz grown back zis qvickly?"

"Yes, dammit, yes!"

"I know, I know, I just find it zo hard to believe," he says. "Japanese people usually have black or brown hair and black or brown eyes, like zat one." He nods at Sasuke, who is curled up beside me reading a book. "And no one zat I know grows zeir hair back zo qvickly."

"Yeah, well I heal and grow my hair back faster than anyone that I know. And 'zat one' is my fiancé, and unless you're color-blind, he has dark blue eyes, idiot," I say, rolling my eyes.

"He _does_?" says Jon. He tilts Sasuke's head up to look into his eyes, and my fiancé swats his hand away irritably. "You _do_! How did I not notice this before?"

"Maybe because you didn't pay _attention_ before?" Sasuke responds, annoyed. "Oh my god, inviting you in while Naruto was awake was _not _a good idea…"

"Cheer up, Mr. Grumpy Gills," I say in my best Dory impersonation. My boyfriend turns and growls at me, but I grin innocently, and finally he just shakes his head and goes back to the book he's reading.

"You're such a kid," he says.

"But I'm also a good lay," I smirk, making him blush. "That and I can cook, whereas you can't do it to save your life. How are you going to be a good housewife to your poor Naru-kun?"

Sasuke quirks an eyebrow at the housewife statement.

"I don't _care_ that I'm more effeminate than you, or that I'm going to be the one wearing the _uchikake_ at our ceremony, or that I have a high-pitched scream; this is a marriage of _equals_, got it, Uzumaki? And I'm keeping my last name."

"Aww, look at my adorable little Sasuke-chan laying down the rules of the house before we've even gotten hitched!" I say teasingly, kissing him. "Don't worry; it would sound weird if either of us took each other's last name anyways. I don't think Uchiha Naruto or Uzumaki Sasuke would work out."

"Well, I'm glad we've figured that out," smirks Sasuke.

"I think it sounds cute!" says Jon indignantly.

"Well, you're not the one getting married," I say.

"Wish I were, though," he says, winking at Fritz, who grins and kisses his nose. I laugh.

"Just be sure you're not as dysfunctional as us," I say.

"We're not dysfunctional," Sasuke sighs.

"You're in denial," I smirk. "The reason _why_ I say we're dysfunctional is because every time we fight we end up beating the crap out of each other or having angry sex on any and all available surfaces. Normal couples yell at each other, then take a break, then come back together to talk about their problems."

He looks miffed.

"Fine," he snaps. "So I'm a little in denial, but that kind of stuff is normal for _us_. Beating the crap out of each other was the way we released stress even _before_ we started dating. And the angry sex is actually quite enjoyable."

"Well duh," I grin, "because it's _me_ pounding your girly ass into whatever surface we happen to be so inclined to have sex on. _Any _kind of sex with me is enjoyable."

"You mean any surface _you _happen to be inclined to have sex on. I didn't agree to having sex on the kitchen table last time; you just got incredibly horny and couldn't wait until we got to the bedroom." Sasuke glowers at me. "My backside still remembers it all too well."

"I sink dat ist enough information," says Fritz, his face slightly green.

"You two aren't alone in here," adds Jon with a look of disgust.

"Oh, but if we were you can bet I'd be all over him," I say, smirking.

"Not until you're healed," Sasuke says in a tone that leaves no room for argument. "The doctor said no over-exerting yourself."

"Yeah, but he didn't say anything about _you _doing shit."

He looks at me incredulously.

"I _suck _at being _seme_, dobe," he says. "You know that."

"Well, you_ definitely _suck," I say, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Sasuke blushes and hits me on my good arm with his book.

Just then the door opens. We all look up, expecting my dad or one of my other family members, or a gaggle of reporters, or a parliamentary committee. (Yes, I've had problems with those last two before because of my dad's new profession and his reputation as an avid supporter of gay marriage. He was actually the one who authored the bill that was voted into law, meaning that Sasuke and I don't have to get married out of country anymore.)

Instead I watch as Kaoru trips over his own two feet and comes sprawling into the room.

"Dude, are you seriously drunk in a _hospital_?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"Actually, no," says Kaoru. "Come on, you _know_ I'm clumsy as shit even when I _don't_ drink."

His girlfriend Yuki comes in behind him, bearing flowers, which she sets on my bedside.

"Are you feeling any better, Naruto-kun?" she asks.

"Loads better," I say. "I wanna jump out of bed and do a happy dance because I feel so great."

Yuki giggles. Sasuke just snorts.

"If you open up your stitches I'm going to kill you," he says. "I can't go another week without getting boned. I'm already going for two."

"Tcheh, you could always ride me, you know," I say. "That doesn't involve much physical activity on my part besides getting it up."

"Ew, guys," says Kaoru. "Keep in mind that there are straight males in here –namely me- who have no desire to hear about kinky gay sex. Which somehow reminds me, is your fiancé still mad at me, Naruto?"

"Yes he is still mad at you," replies my boyfriend, not looking up from his book. "You should've noticed something was wrong and not let Naruto drink any alcohol, but you didn't, and now Naruto's in the hospital and our marriage almost got pushed back."

He says this all in a calm tone of voice, but I feel irritation radiating off of him like heat from a fire. I endeavor to change the subject.

"So Kaoru, have you brought the work I've been missing?"

"Yeah," he says, dropping a binder on the bedside table. The loud thud startles everyone.

"Holy shit," I say, picking it up and hefting it, "_this_ is what I've been missing? And this is _all_ the notes and diagrams, right?"

"And the list of reading material you need for your final paper," says Kaoru. "At least, according to that asshole professor of yours. He was such a dick I _seriously_ was considering taking his ugly-ass loafers and stuffing them in his mouth. And the list of reading material is almost as long as a full-length novel. You have to put up with him every day?"

"Yep," I say. "You learn to get used to it. Besides, he's an ass, but he's a really good professor. Maybe if you'd stop complaining about your professors and changing courses just because they irritate you, and actually paid attention in class, you'd be graduating this year. Now where's the list?"

I pull the list, which is two pages long single-spaced, out of the binder. Sasuke puts down his book and looks on over my shoulder as I scan the list.

"All right, book monkey," I say, clapping my hands. "You know what to do."

"I'm not your slave!" says Kaoru indignantly.

"Well seeing as I'm here in small part because you didn't stop me from drinking, I think you owe me," I smirk. "Now go fetch, boy!"

Kaoru growls at me but snatches the list.

"How am I supposed to pay for all of them?" he snaps.

"You don't have to pay for all of them," I say. "There's something on campus that we like to call the campus bookstore and library, you know? I'm sure that you can find all of these either at the library or the bookstore. And put anything you have to buy on my campus tab and I'll pay it when I get out of this shithole. Now go forth and suffer the journalism books to multiply and come unto me, slave!"

Sasuke looks like he's trying not to burst into laughter.

"If you weren't in the hospital I'd beat your ass," Kaoru mutters.

"I didn't hear that, please repeat yourself?" I say, cocking an eyebrow.

"I said yes master," he says, walking out. Yuki follows him after bidding us goodbye.

Jonathan, who has been smirking widely since the exchange began, bursts out laughing.

"You two have the oddest friendship I've ever seen," he says.

"It's not the oddest friendship I've ever had," I say, and Sasuke smirks knowingly. "Which reminds me… When are you going back to Oxford, temee?"

My boyfriend raises an eyebrow.

"I didn't tell you, did I?" he says. "I had a teleconference with the dean of students and my professors, and they understood the situation. They send their best wishes, by the way. I got permission from them to send my final papers to them via email, and they send me notes, also via email. I'm having the rest of my things sent back here from my dorm room. And when I graduate I'm going to get my diploma in an oak picture frame via snail mail. I'm staying in Japan, dobe."

My mind is in shock. Sasuke's staying? He's not going back to England? No way…

"You're totally serious," I say. "You're not joking."

Near the window Jonathan and Fritz look just as floored by this declaration as I am.

"You're not coming back with us?" Jonathan asks forlornly, and I would feel bad for him if the happiness rising in my chest weren't rapidly blocking out any other emotions.

"But ve vill miss you too much!" says Fritz, looking like a lost puppy.

"Oh come on, guys," says Sasuke. "One, Naruto's in the hospital for at least another few weeks and I want to be here to help him out. Secondly, we've got to prep for the wedding. Third, we have to find an apartment because we can't just live in our parents' basement for the rest of our lives. And finally, we have Skype, and you guys are coming back in June for the wedding anyhow."

"Das ist true," says Fritz thoughtfully. "But ve are still going to miss you until zen."

"Well, if Jonathan feels lonely in his empty dorm room, he can always go over and sleep in your dorm room, can't he?" I say. "I mean, as far as I know you're alone in your dorm room, right?"

"Well, _ja," _says Fritz, "but it vould be too tempting to do oder sings besides sleeping vit him in ze room."

I laugh.

"I know that feeling," I say. "I get that feeling every time I look at Sasuke. It's not always a bad thing…"

"You're embarrassing," mutters my boyfriend in my ear, biting it and making me shiver. "Now shut up and lie there like a good little boy."

"But you know I can't be a good little boy to save my life, temee," I smirk, "even when I _was_ a little boy."

"True enough," Sasuke laughs before returning his voice to normal register. "You know, I think I'm going to take you up on the offer to ride you."

"Right now?" I say.

"I don't care if it's in the middle of the street in the middle of rush hour, Uzumaki," he smirks at me. "Is me being here, horny as hell, and waiting to be impaled on the end of that monster you call a dick not good enough for you?"

"Okay, we get the message," says Jonathan, jumping up and pulling Fritz toward the door. "We'll visit before we leave tomorrow, when you two _aren't_ getting ready to get freaky with the mattress dancing."

"Vot's happening?" asks Fritz in confusion as Jonathan leads him out the door.

"Three words: freaky mattress dancing."

"Oh…"

"Pure genius, Sasuke," I say when they're gone. "Way to get rid of them."

"Do you think that's the _only_ reason I did that?" he says, eyeing me lustfully.

"Oh, you're dead serious?" I ask, grinning lasciviously. "All right then. I'm down for some us time."

"You _better_ be," says Sasuke, "because I haven't felt your dick inside of me for almost a year and I'm tired of using an extra large dildo. So when I come out of that bathroom dressed in the costume I bought a little over four years ago –which miraculously still fits- you'd better be buck-ass naked and wanting me more than you've ever wanted anything in your life, including those Rammstein tickets I gave you last year and your precious fucking cup ramen."

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?" I tease him.

He smirks at me.

"Shut up and start stripping, dobe."

He disappears into the bathroom, and once again I marvel that he can walk again, if not for very long. I smile and begin to strip out of my hospital clothes.

Life isn't always good to people. Sure I've had some shit happen to me. But in my opinion, life's been pretty good to me. I've got a loving and accepting family that doesn't care who I date or marry, just so long as I love them and they love me back. I've got my career pretty much laid out for me once I graduate.

And of course, I've got Sasuke. Sure we've had our fights, with each other and with others, but no matter what's happened we've always come through with our bond stronger than ever. In the short time I've been alive so far, I have never met someone so beautiful, so funny, so loving, and so determined as my soon-to-be husband. Every day I thank whoever The Mist really is for his presence in my life, for our journey from mortal enemies as six-year-olds to future spouses at age twenty-two, and for not letting us die on February 15, 2012 before we really got a chance to live.

Because if we had died we would have missed out on all of this, and some things are just too interesting to let go.

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OWARI 3

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Yeah, it be da Grand Masta Bitch all up in here, yo! What be-eth the down low, ma homies!

Sorry. I've been really bored. Well, not bored so much as tired and on too much sugar and caffeine. I've been staying up until three or four in the morning, listening to a dissonant mix of heavy metal and Lady Gaga and trying to finish a story for my friend Kei-kun as well as this one for all my readers. Let me tell you something, kiddies… Caffeine is your friend. And if it isn't, it damn well should be, because you're gonna need it.

So please tell me what you think of this story! I know, the ending was a little ambiguous, but generally speaking that's the way I like my stories to end: ambiguous, but not so ambiguous that you feel like you've been left with a huge cliffhanger, unless I'm writing a sequel, which I'm still trying to do for my vampire SasuNaruSasu story, which I now realize sucks ass but I still have to do the fucking sequel because the story is unfinished and I have terrible writer's block because the ideas are all going to better stories! (Maybe I'll cut the prequel, although that promises to be slightly better…)

Right, I'm rambling. This is also something I do when I'm on a dosage of caffeine and sugar. So I'm going to shut up, go away, and you can review! CIVILLY! (Yes I am still emphasizing that. Civil reviews are what make this author's world go 'round. I don't care if you really don't like it; civilly negative reviews, please.)

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